Trenton, ON – After coming home late following a drunken evening with friends, a hungover Robin wished the humans talking loudly below his tree branch would shut the fuck up. “I met t…
Local woman excited to replace old crush on emotionally unavailable man with new crush on emotionally unavailable man
Toronto – After setting aside her longtime crush on one emotionally unavailable and manipulative man, local woman Bronwyn Taylor is pleased to report she is now crushing on a completely new…
Study confirming your life is weird and sad passes peer review
Toronto – A study confirming that you lead a bad and pathetic life has passed peer review: even though this has always been obvious, even to the layperson. “Obviously getting publishe…
Community not sure about dentist who works from home
Kingston, ON – Community members are searching for a new dentist, now that Dr. Teske has started seeing patients exclusively in his at-home clinic. “Dr. Teske’s a good dentist, …
Amateur photographer announces plans to waste even more money
Kingston, ON – Local dentist Todd Holmes announced his plans to spend even more money on his completely lacklustre photography hobby. “Last year I probably spent over $10,000 on gear …
Study finds you are the only person who truly appreciates the genius of Radiohead
A recent musicological study has found that the only living person who truly appreciates the band Radiohead is, in fact, you. “We’re overjoyed,” said an overjoyed Thom Yorke. &#…
Returning astronauts waiting for right moment to bring up the “bad thing”
Florida – A group of returning astronauts have been trying to find the perfect moment to bring up ‘the bad thing’ they saw in space. “Before reaching Entry Interface we al…
YouTube lube reviewer takes time out of latest video to share thoughts on North Korea
THE INTERNET – In his latest video, popular “Lubetuber” LubeStar747 decided to interrupt his weekly “Wet Wednesday” review to offer his thoughts on the rising tensions between t…
John Kelly tired of confiscating Trump’s nudie pens
Washington D.C – Newly appointed Chief of Staff John Kelly has been overheard complaining to aides about having to confiscate yet another one of President Trump’s nudie pens after a m…
Man ghosts woman after 45 years of marriage
EDMONTON – After spending 45 years in a seemingly perfectly happy marriage, local husband Pierre Villeneuve has ghosted his wife Catherine. “The trick to a good ghosting means laying …