Supposedly hip young person doesn’t even know who LCD Soundsystem is

HAMILTON, ON — Reports have confirmed that Miley Autlin, 24, a person previously believed by experts to be “cool”, “up on the scene” and even “really into the new stuff” literally didn’t even kno…

Trump tempted to release Epstein Files just to see own name in print

MAR-A-LAGO, FL – While steadfastly refusing to answer questions surrounding his ties to notorious sex criminal Jeffrey Epstein, U.S. President Donald Trump has reportedly considered releasi…

Newly discovered Shakespeare folio reveals lost play ‘Dracula vs. Frankenstein’

Stratford, England – Shakespeare Birthplace Trust archivists today announced their discovery of a lost Shakespeare folio for a play entitled “Dracula vs. Frankenstein.” Natasha Cartwright, …

TTC appeals to frustrated riders with summer contest ‘Catch That Rat!’

TORONTO – Seeking to give riders a productive activity during its numerous and lengthy delays, the Toronto Transit Commission has launched a new summer contest called Catch That Rat! Rather than …

Grok refusing to answer questions unless X users upload blood tests to prove the purity of their DNA

BASTROP, TEXAS – Following a controversial week on X when the site’s AI, Grok, repeatedly made antisemitic statements and claimed to be MechaHitler, X has assured its users that they’ve fix…

Trump announces 35% tariffs on Krypton

WASHINGTON, DC – Following a wave of conservative backlash to the recent cinematic reboot of Superman, U.S. president Donald Trump has announced that all imports from Krypton will be subjec…

Alberta full of measles, and after the Calgary Stampede, also chlamydia

CALGARY, AB – A raucous weekend at the Calgary Stampede has left local hospitals, already dealing with a rash of measles cases, further scrambling to deal with an influx of residents and to…

RCMP apprehend Quebec terrorists after discovering manifesto written only in English

QUEBEC CITY, QC – Four men involved in an far right terror plot were arrested this week by RCMP, not for plotting terrorism, but for releasing a written manifesto that was not properly tran…

‘Calgary Stab-pede’ merch already sold out

CALGARY – Following a shocking spate of non-fatal stabbings at this year’s Calgary Stampede, reports are that the even has already sold out of hastily-commissioned “Calgary Stab…

Breaking: can we get an article posted on Trump’s latest tariff threat before he backs down yet again?

Editor: Ok unnamed writer. Trump just ‘Truthed’ that he was going to do a 35% tariff on all products sent into the U.S. from Canada. And I know the last 15 times he did this we scrambled to write…