“One day I’ll be dead and I won’t have to watch this team,” thinks Leafs fan to cheer himself up
TORONTO – In the wake of the Leafs discovering a new playoff performance low point even lower than their previous playoff lowpoints, fan Martin Scheffel advised that he takes comfort in the…
Amidst recount drama, Terrebonne riding to be decided by gladiator combat
“In the Quebec riding of Terrebonne, Liberal MP Tatiana Auguste was declared the winner by just one vote. How calmly do you think Quebec is taking this?” Dive into this week’s n…
Trade War Update: Unpatriotic cat still refuses to use Canadian litter
WELLAND, ON ― Feline traitor to Canada Seersucker has stubbornly refused to switch to any of several varieties of locally-sourced litter, her owner Lily Sasaki reports, opting instead to do her b…
Man living off-grid on deserted island still somehow received HelloFresh invite
UNKNOWN – For the past year, Kevin Orson had been living anonymously on a deserted island, free of modern annoyances like social media, junk mail, and people. But his world was turned upsid…
Environmentalist pretends to be concerned about Alberta separating
VICTORIA, BC – Following Alberta Premier Danielle Smith’s continued threats about separating from the rest of Canada, local climate change scientist Debra Grimmlet is having a hard ti…
Pornhub to drop F from MILF in observance of Mother’s Day
Montreal, Quebec, Canada- The Canadian owned internet pornography video-sharing website Pornhub has announced that, in honour of Mother’s Day, it will be removing the word “Fuck” From its MILF t…
5 tips for tricking your mom into thinking her Mother’s Day gift isn’t from No Frills
Mother’s Day is almost here and your mom deserves a lovely gift for all she’s done for you… but you’re a busy person who really needs to stock up on some groceries, like bread a…
Rogers celebrates 20 years of higher than expected call volumes
TORONTO, ON – This week telecom giant Rogers Communications announced a record-breaking milestone – twenty straight years of customer service calls vastly exceeding what their meagre call c…
Danielle Smith demands referendum to separate measles from Albertans
EDMONTON – As Alberta suffers its worst measles outbreak since the 1980s, Premier Danielle Smith has called on Albertans to demand a better deal from the airborne disease. “As we all know, medi…
Rick Tocchet announced as NDP party leader
VANCOUVER – Just days after appointing MP Don Davies as their interim leader, the federal NDP have announced that the role will be permanently filled by Vancouver Canucks former head coach …
