QUEEN’S PARK – Soon after debuting his “Canada Is Not For Sale” hat, Ontario Premier Doug Ford was spotted wearing a second hat to clarify that he is still very much for sale. “I was thrilled to...
Danielle Smith applies for refugee status in USA
COUTTS, AB – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has arrived on foot at the Coutts-Sweet Grass border crossing station, petitioning for refugee status in the US on the grounds of being persecuted in ...
Makers of Funko Pop confirm figures can no longer steal your soul
EVERETT, WA – The manufacturers of the inexplicably popular Funko Pop figures have announced that they have finally fixed the design flaw that allowed the dolls to suck the astral being out of a...
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Hear ye, hear ye! Governor from England returns to Upper Canada to restore the Dominion
OTTAWA – Hear ye hear ye fine citizens of British North America and allow your hearts to be elated. After a long hiatus in London, England, esteemed Governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney, ...
Everything you need to know about Mark Carney
Coming off a successful Daily Show appearance, Mark Carney is a frontrunner for the Liberal Party leader. But just who is the renegade outsider poised to shake up national politics with his populist, ...
Christy Clark opts out of Liberal leadership race in order to run for NDP leader next year
VANCOUVER – Former B.C. Premier Christy Clark has opted not to run for leader of the federal Liberal Party, stating she intends to run for leader of the NDP when Jagmeet Singh steps down. “...
Leafs revamp power play by adding second pointless drop pass before entering zone
TORONTO – With their power play struggling worse than ever, Toronto Maple Leafs power play coach Marc Savard has introduced a new wrinkle that he’s confident will get the team over the hum...
Trump unable to pursue military invasion of Canada due to bone spurs
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – Speaking from his private resort President-Elect Trump explained that, despite his rhetoric, he won’t be able to make good on his threats to annex Canada because of his bone spurs. “B...
Trump threatens to tariff California wildfires unless they immediately extinguish themselves
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – President Elect Trump spoke from his resort to demand that the wildfires destroying large portions of Los Angeles stop immediately or else he will impose various trade sanctions again...
