Bruce McArthur pleads guilty, Toronto police still skeptical

TORONTO – Urging the public to not jump to any conclusions, Toronto Police Services have issued a statement to remind the public that just because Bruce McArthur has pleaded guilty to eight…

Toronto man who wasn’t speaking told to stop complaining about the snow

TORONTO – Despite the fact that he hasn’t actually said anything about the recent snowstorm, local man Jamal Cook has been frequently told by friends and colleagues from other parts of Cana…

Small-town theatre critic pans community production with 4.5 star review

GUELPH – Local theatre critic Gregory Stephens held nothing back reviewing a local production of Tennessee Williams’s “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” issuing a lowly 4.5 out of 5 stars. Unli…

Kingston residents shocked to discover terror plot not the fault of Queen’s students

KINGSTON – After a local teen was arrested on suspicion of a terrorist plot, residents were baffled to discover the incident had no apparent connection with Queen’s University or its students. “Y…

‘Yes, I am Jason’s mother,’ says wig-wearing Kenney opening the door to allowance-claimed retirement residence

CALGARY – Journalists who visited the residency claimed by UPC Leader Jason Kenney for a housing allowance found a man who suspiciously resembled Jason Kenney wearing a wig and a night gown…

White friend claims dreadlocks part of their cultural tradition of looking like a dumbass

St. Catharines, ON – Local white friend Caitlynn Matthews says her traditionally-Black hairstyle doesn’t count as cultural appropriation due to her family’s long-standing custom of looking like t…

Man makes fun of grandmother for plastic-covered couch on phone encased in 2 pounds of rubber

VANCOUVER – Hoping a joke about his grandmother’s twenty year old couch covered in plastic will resonate with his 237 Instagram followers, Kyle Anderson, 24, recently posted about it from h…

Everyone super impressed by big bathtub

Oakville, ON – After taking a group of friends and relatives on a tour of his recently renovated house, Tom H. Fulton, 56, was pleased to observe several “oohs” and “aahs” at the reveal of …

Impressive! BC Legislature $3,200 wood-splitter can cut up to 5000 suspicious expense reports per minute

We’ve all heard about the life changing magic of tidying up, and officials at the BC Legislature are taking that philosophy to the next level with their all purpose wood-splitter that is equally …

Mueller indicts sixth Trump associate, four more gets him a free impeachment

WASHINGTON – The arrest of longtime Trump advisor Roger Stone has put special counsel Robert Mueller more than halfway towards what experts believe to be his goal, the completion of the Pre…