Trade War Update: Unpatriotic cat still refuses to use Canadian litter
WELLAND, ON ― Feline traitor to Canada Seersucker has stubbornly refused to switch to any of several varieties of locally-sourced litter, her owner Lily Sasaki reports, opting instead to do her b…
Man living off-grid on deserted island still somehow received HelloFresh invite
UNKNOWN – For the past year, Kevin Orson had been living anonymously on a deserted island, free of modern annoyances like social media, junk mail, and people. But his world was turned upsid…
Environmentalist pretends to be concerned about Alberta separating
VICTORIA, BC – Following Alberta Premier Danielle Smith’s continued threats about separating from the rest of Canada, local climate change scientist Debra Grimmlet is having a hard ti…
Pornhub to drop F from MILF in observance of Mother’s Day
Montreal, Quebec, Canada- The Canadian owned internet pornography video-sharing website Pornhub has announced that, in honour of Mother’s Day, it will be removing the word “Fuck” From its MILF t…
5 tips for tricking your mom into thinking her Mother’s Day gift isn’t from No Frills
Mother’s Day is almost here and your mom deserves a lovely gift for all she’s done for you… but you’re a busy person who really needs to stock up on some groceries, like bread a…
Rogers celebrates 20 years of higher than expected call volumes
TORONTO, ON – This week telecom giant Rogers Communications announced a record-breaking milestone – twenty straight years of customer service calls vastly exceeding what their meagre call c…
Danielle Smith demands referendum to separate measles from Albertans
EDMONTON – As Alberta suffers its worst measles outbreak since the 1980s, Premier Danielle Smith has called on Albertans to demand a better deal from the airborne disease. “As we all know, medi…
Rick Tocchet announced as NDP party leader
VANCOUVER – Just days after appointing MP Don Davies as their interim leader, the federal NDP have announced that the role will be permanently filled by Vancouver Canucks former head coach …
Carney resists urge to teach Trump meaning of words “tariff”, “economy”, and “chair”
“I think Trump’s greatest dream is to have a podcast where he is both the host and always the guest.” Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay, and …
In embarrassing snafu, starting line-up of St. Louis Cardinals included in Conclave to elect new pope
VATICAN CITY – In a clear administrative error by the Holy See, the recently convened Conclave to choose the next pope has mistakenly included both the entire College of Cardinals as well as the …
