Pedestrian walking in road because cyclist riding on sidewalk because car parked in bike lane

TORONTO – Eyewitnesses today confirmed reports that a pedestrian was walking in the road because a cyclist was riding on the sidewalk because a car was parked in the bike lane. “I was drivi…

SNL casts Canadian provided she can evade ICE at border

NEW YORK – Sketch comedy institution Saturday Night Live has announced the addition of its first new Canadian cast member in decades, Veronika Slowikowska, contingent on her not being captu…

Employee appreciation lunch features cheapest food possible

KINGSTON, ON – Last Friday, a local company held their annual Employee Appreciation Lunch and celebrated their hardworking staff by proudly serving the cheapest food possible.  The BBQ event took…

Canadians paralyzed by choice on what movie to watch to remember Graham Greene

OTTAWA – Following the death of iconic Canadian First Nations actor Graham Greene, grieving viewers report finding themselves utterly overwhelmed by choice when attempting to pick a single …

Mark Carney celebrates Labour Day by ordering labourers back to work

OTTAWA – Employees of Whiteston Manufacturing who were told they were receiving a special Labour Day surprise at the factory today were delighted when that surprise turned out to be Prime M…

Joe Rogan of the Left? This credulous dipshit is vegan

Hold onto your podcasting mic! During the 2024 US Presidential election, “bro podcast” hosts like Theo Von, Andrew Schulz, and of course Joe Rogan offered fawning softball interviews …

A&W’s new Complicated Family Menu features Step-Mom Burger, Secret Cousin Burger

NORTH VANCOUVER — A&W Canada announced their new Complicated Family Menu today, featuring old favourites like the Mama Burger and Papa Burger, plus an assortment of more modern offerings, in…

Lesbian who doesn’t like sports may as well just die

TORONTO – A local lesbian who doesn’t care about sports has determined that that is why she cannot find love and therefore she may as well just die. Jesse Cameron, 33, came to the dire conclusion…

“They didn’t have autism in my day,” claims man with thorough knowledge of the history of the Caledonian Railway

Fredericton, New Brunswick – Despite decades of research, a Fredericton man says that autism didn’t exist in his day and that he would like to show us a replica map he created of the 1920 C…

“AI is just a tool” says tech mogul who is just a tool

PALO ALTO, CA – Tech industry billionaire Jared Banks recently dismissed fears over artificial intelligence disrupting the labor market by insisting that AI is “just a tool”, wh…