ATLANTA – Coca-Cola CEO Bryan O’Malley acknowledged this morning what industry insiders had long suspected: that the only reason the company sells the 222ml mini can version is so guys sen...
Ottawa LRT restarts after taping 6 buses together
OTTAWA – After a closure lasting nearly 2 months, Ottawa transit officials have restarted the LRT’s Confederation line after taping several transit buses together and placing them on the tracks....
Owners refuse to fire Bettman due to his success taking NHL from 4th place league with struggling Canadian teams to 4th place league with struggling American teams
NEW YORK CITY – Despite Gary Bettman’s disastrous handling of the Brad Aldrich scandal, NHL insiders say owners are likely to stick with him as commissioner due to his amazing track record...
Fox’s highest rated new series The Anti-Mask Singer
LOS ANGELES – Fox’s viewership has reached astronomical new heights with its smash new television hit, The Anti-Mask Singer. “This show really speaks to our core audience,” says Fox spokesperson Braed...
Local craft brewery makes world’s first sentient IPA
TORONTO- Local Brewers Jeff King and Karl Bluff have shocked the fans of their local craft brewery by releasing an IPA with such hoppy complexity that the brew has gained sentience. “It started off s...
Ford announces new attack ads to air during Ontarians’ dreams
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has announced that, in addition to clogging up every news broadcast, sporting event and network drama with commercials attacking Steven Del Duca and Andrea Horwath, t...
Saskatchewan demands to be recognized as a nation whose main export is ICU patients
REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has unilaterally declared his province a nation within a nation whose main export are people waiting for intensive care in a better-equipped province. Moe...
Doug Ford announces new highway that will exclusively deliver money to property development donors
BRADFORD, ON — Today Premier Doug Ford announced a new highway project which will exclusively allow passage for armoured cars delivering large piles of cash to the wealthy real estate magnates w...
Canadian Tire unveils crypto Canadian Tire Dollars
TORONTO – Three years after retiring its famed rewards system Canadian Tire, the retailer you go to for patio sets and Old Dutch potato chips, had announced they will bring back the system in cr...
US Border reopening reunites hundreds of Americans with their fake girlfriends
BUFFALO, NY – With the US-Canadian land border reopened for fully vaccinated travelers, hundreds of Americans are excited to be reunited with the fictional significant others they made up to get...
