UNKNOWN – For the past year, Kevin Orson had been living anonymously on a deserted island, free of modern annoyances like social media, junk mail, and people. But his world was turned upside dow...
Environmentalist pretends to be concerned about Alberta separating
VICTORIA, BC – Following Alberta Premier Danielle Smith’s continued threats about separating from the rest of Canada, local climate change scientist Debra Grimmlet is having a hard time no...
Pornhub to drop F from MILF in observance of Mother’s Day
Montreal, Quebec, Canada- The Canadian owned internet pornography video-sharing website Pornhub has announced that, in honour of Mother’s Day, it will be removing the word “Fuck” From its MILF tag. ...
5 tips for tricking your mom into thinking her Mother’s Day gift isn’t from No Frills
Mother’s Day is almost here and your mom deserves a lovely gift for all she’s done for you… but you’re a busy person who really needs to stock up on some groceries, like bread and st...
Rogers celebrates 20 years of higher than expected call volumes
TORONTO, ON – This week telecom giant Rogers Communications announced a record-breaking milestone – twenty straight years of customer service calls vastly exceeding what their meagre call centre...
Danielle Smith demands referendum to separate measles from Albertans
EDMONTON – As Alberta suffers its worst measles outbreak since the 1980s, Premier Danielle Smith has called on Albertans to demand a better deal from the airborne disease. “As we all know, medical s...
Rick Tocchet announced as NDP party leader
VANCOUVER – Just days after appointing MP Don Davies as their interim leader, the federal NDP have announced that the role will be permanently filled by Vancouver Canucks former head coach Rick ...
Carney resists urge to teach Trump meaning of words “tariff”, “economy”, and “chair”
“I think Trump’s greatest dream is to have a podcast where he is both the host and always the guest.” Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay, and speci...
In embarrassing snafu, starting line-up of St. Louis Cardinals included in Conclave to elect new pope
VATICAN CITY – In a clear administrative error by the Holy See, the recently convened Conclave to choose the next pope has mistakenly included both the entire College of Cardinals as well as the start...
“At least Mel Gibson is still a good guy,” states man with the memory of a grape
Oakville, ON – Local goldfish Tim Wells just admitted while the news about how bad Neil Gaiman is, he’s glad that his favourite actor Mel Gibson still has a clean slate. “Thank god he’s never do...
