“We looked around for a neutral evil country to trade with, but couldn’t find one.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk about the horrific ICE sh...
2026 showrunners caught reusing 2025 scripts
Washington, DC – In breaking news, showrunners for the year 2026 have been caught quietly reusing large portions of 2025’s scripts, prompting renewed concern that the coming season will once again fea...
Legault resigns to spend more time privately hounding minorities
QUEBEC CITY – Quebec Premier François Legault announced his resignation today, explaining that he plans to bring his famed enthusiasm for attacking basic human rights to the private sector. Sinc...
Snowbirds struggle to find sun destination not being invaded by the US
Cornwall, Prince Edward Island – Terry and Linda Haddad say their annual New Year’s tradition of booking a sale on an all inclusive resort was hampered this year when they woke up to news that t...
White House insists ICE shooter had passed mandatory escalation training
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following the death of Minneapolis resident Renee Nicole Good, Trump Administration officials are unanimously insisting the officer who shot her had completed his routine ICE t...
Barbershop customer a little worried after seeing huge chunk of ear hit floor
CALGARY – According to sources embedded in downtown barbershop Close Shave, Dennis Elrich is worried his cut hasn’t gone as planned after he spotted a big, sloppy chunk of his right ear hit the floor....
Polio, Bubonic Plague, Smallpox compete to see who can re-establish themselves in Canada next
MEDICINE HAT, AB – With the announcement that Canada has officially lost its measles elimination status, Canadians have begun taking sides on which other formerly endemic diseases they want to s...
Breaking: Wife finishes cup of coffee
Drumheller, AB – While clearing the table one morning, local husband Vince Hefflund was shocked to discover that the coffee mug his wife had been drinking from was empty. “I’ve never seen anything li...
Toronto Sun responds to journalist celebrating ICE murder by promoting him to CEO
TORONTO – After Toronto Sun journalist Bryan Passifiume wrote a controversial post on X celebrating the murder of Renee Nicole Good by ICE, the Sun’s Editor-in-Chief responded to the backlash by...
Alberta organizes banned book buyback to keep streets safe
EDMONTON – As part of Alberta’s efforts to prevent minors from viewing books with sexual content, the province has announced a buyback of all restricted and challenging literature. “From A Handmaid’s...
