Conservatives reassure Canadians they will not enact an abortion ban until they finish packing Supreme Court
OTTAWA – In the wake of a leaked decision overturning Roe v. Wade, Canadian Conservatives are promising Canadians that they won’t seek to enact the abortion bans soon to be forthcomin…
TSN expanding coverage of criminally under-talked-about city of Toronto
TORONTO — Citing a dearth of centre-of-the-universe-centric content, TSN is boosting its coverage of Toronto. In announcing the move, President Steve Johnson said it was an effort to shine a dese…
Samuel Alito cringes at typo in leaked draft accidentally referring to women as “people”
WASHINGTON D.C. – Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito has expressed frustration at an error in his leaked opinion on a pivotal abortion rights case in which he erroneously referred to women …
Delta and Omicron variants jealous that younger XE strain gets away with anything it wants
TORONTO – The Delta and Omicron variants are reportedly upset that they had to deal with the provincial government’s rules and regulations, whereas the younger XE subvariant gets to run wil…
Feminist Win! Supreme Court abortion draft validates what women have been screaming about for years
WASHINGTON D.C. — After a draft opinion was leaked from the Supreme Court yesterday stating the Court’s intention to overturn Roe v. Wade, feminists across the country celebrated finally be…
Wanna see some photos of a kid you don’t know, ya freakin’ weirdos?
Looking for photos of Princess Charlotte, a child you’ve never met, and never will meet? You’ve come to the right place. Here’s a great photo of this child, whose only claim to fame is that…
Experts admit world just going to have to learn to live with seasonal outbreaks of Vladimir Putin
GENEVA – In a long expected admission by assembled health and safety representatives, citizens of countries across the world have been informed that we are all just going to have to endure regula…
Opinion: If corporations can be tried as individuals, then why can’t my ex-boyfriend’s improv team?
TORONTO – The legal doctrine known as corporate personhood states that corporations can be sued just like individual people. So if I can sue a corporation, why the hell can’t I sue my ex-boyfrien…
Ottawa police investigation confirms motorcycles easier to tow than transport trucks
OTTAWA – As crowds gather in the city’s downtown core for the Rolling Thunder motorcycle protest rally, Ottawa Police have released the results of an internal investigation stating that motorcycl…
