BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team has won the Olympic gold medal, prompting an exhausted nation to declare “Holy fucking shit, thank you.” “Between two and a half years of COVID and all …
Peaceful guns, democratic machetes seized from Alberta convoy protest
COUTTS, AB – Sources report that the RCMP have arrested 11 people at the Coutts border blockade who planned to peacefully participate in the democratic process with firearms, body armour and volu…
Winter Olympians issued heated condoms
News in Photos…
Humiliating: Canadian women’s hockey team wins quarterfinals by a mere 11 goals
BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team was embarrassed at the Winter Olympics after squeaking by Sweden in the quarterfinal with a meagre 11-0 victory. “Everyone in that locker room knows we…
Date night downgraded to hand stuff night
LETHBRIDGE – According to local sources, Alex and Taylor Shepherd’s plans for a date night have been scaled back to lethargic hand stuff in front of the TV. “I was going to treat Alex to dinner a…
Inspiring! This man has already completed his resolution to draw more fanart of Sonic the Hedgehog pregnant
CALGARY – According to local sources, 34-year-old Damien Wilkes has already completed his New Year’s resolution to draw more fanart of Sonic the Hedgehog heavy with child. “Last year I resolved …
Christmas tree still in house unsure if family Orthodox or just lazy
SASKATOON – A Christmas tree still on display in the Miller household’s living room is uncertain if the family that purchased it is planning to celebrate Orthodox Christmas, or if they’ve just be…
Novak Djokovic loses final of Australian Immigration Detention Island Open
CHRISTMAS ISLAND, AUSTRALIA – After being detained by the Australian Border Force for failing to meet the country’s vaccination requirements ahead of the Australian Open, Novak Djokovic has enter…
13 soups perfect for winter weather, which is four more than the cowards at Chatelaine recommend
Do the winter blues have you down? Don’t worry, because nothing staves off the darkness of another long night like a cozy cup of hot soup! Here are 13 of our favourites, which is far more than th…
Green Party looking for couch to crash on
OTTAWA – With the Green Party potentially shuttering its head office as it struggles with insolvency, sources report that it will be looking for a couch to crash on until it can get back on its f…
