ORLANDO – International recording superstar and desperate Raptors fanboy Drake was once again caught trying to sneak into the Raptors’ quarantine zone in Disney World. “Come on,…
Tag: Featured Post
Buffalo welcomes Jays with ballpark renovations that include robotic fan chucking beer cans onto the field
BUFFALO – In an attempt to welcome the Toronto Blue Jays into their 2020 home, Buffalo’s Sahlen Field has added a number of details to make the Blue Jays feel like they are playing at the R…
Super Soaker wielding Priest just baptized the shit out of this kid
Goderich, ON — Since the COVID outbreak, the Catholic church has begun social distance baptizing, arming their priests with holy water-guns, shooting from the hip to bring young children into the…
Lockheed Martin waves shiny metal dick at Canadian government in $19 billion mating display
OTTAWA – Aerospace manufacturer Lockheed Martin has presented its newest metal phallus to the Canadian government in a bid to win the $19 billion competition to replace the military’s aging…
Conservatives allow Andrew Scheer to re-open debate on abortion as a special goodbye treat
OTTAWA – As Andrew Scheer’s terms as Conservative Party leader nears its end, party brass has decided to give the departing leader a special sendoff: permission to re-open the abortion deba…
Leafs bring comfort and normalcy during tough times by collapsing in playoffs
TORONTO – Seeking to restore a bit of familiarity to hockey fans living in such uncertain times The Toronto Maple Leafs are upholding their long-standing tradition of just shitting the bed …
Man sure for the sixth time this summer that his hangover is COVID
London, ON – Awaking with a throbbing headache, parched lips, nausea, a general desire for a swift demise and all the other tell-tale signs of a hangover, Jack Bennington was seized by a familiar…
NRA accused of embezzling thoughts and prayers
MANHATTAN – The attorney general of New York has launched a lawsuit alleging the National Rifle Association has engaged in decades-long fraud involving the embezzlement of members’ thoughts…
Doug Ford pleads with own reflection to let him lower class sizes
TORONTO – After saying that if it was up to him he’d keep class sizes at 5 kids due to the COVID pandemic, Ontario Premier Doug Ford was spotted pleading with his reflection to let him lowe…
“Oops, I left my mask in the car,” says man who does not own a mask or a car
Every grocery store, Canada – The guy who spent 45 minutes inside the store already without a mask has now alerted one of the employees he left it in his car despite not owning a mask or a …
