OTTAWA – Conservative MP Cheryl Gallant said today that her recent claim about Liberals being part of a global pedophilia ring that uses their blood as soap was a “simple misunderstan…
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First Bitcoin ETF will combine simplicity of cryptocurrency with integrity of investment stocks
TORONTO – North America’s first Bitcoin exchange-traded fund opened this week on the Toronto Stock Exchange amidst skyrocketing cryptocurrency values. This new ETF spearheaded by Purpose In…
Ted Cruz latest Canadian politician caught fleeing to Mexico
Cancun, Mexico – Ted Cruz has joined the ranks of other Canadian politicians fleeing the country when things get rough. The Canadian politician, who is an avid denier of climate change, fle…
Ominous ‘Family Meeting’ invite implies someone either died or wants to play Scrabble
MEDICINE HAT, AB – A vague Google Calendar invite has left Emily Kidd worried that her family has either suffered a horrible tragedy or, even worse, wants to spend the whole evening playing Scrab…
Nation grateful Rush Limbaugh lived long enough to see Trump lose
OTTAWA – The nation mourned the passing of legendary broadcaster and Conservative provocateur Rush Limbaugh today, but took some comfort in the fact that he saw the human embodiment of his …
Rush Limbaugh slams Satan for his liberal bias
ETERNAL FLAMING REALM OF HELL – Having recently passed away from lung cancer, Rush Limbaugh, upon arriving in Satan’s land of eternal punishment, immediately lambasted the Prince of D…
Doug Ford sets up snitch line for parents who taught kids Sex Ed during lockdown
TORONTO – With the remaining Ontario schools finally open again, Premier Doug Ford is determined to ensure a safe return to the classroom – by setting up a snitch line for heathen parents who tau…
Shovelling snow found to be number 1 cause of Canadians muttering ‘fuck this fucking shit’ over and over
OTTAWA – A new study indicates that the biggest cause of Canadians repeatedly exclaiming ‘fuck this fucking shit’ is shovelling snow. “Of all the frustrations that plague …
Ground-breaking new show features two mismatched detectives
LOS ANGELES, CA – NBC has announced the spring debut of Police Cops, which will shock and surprise television viewers by making two characters with disparate personalities solve crimes together. …
Rogers can’t fucking believe they’re the less evil telecom giant
TORONTO – The Board of Rogers Communications Inc. expressed disbelief this morning that they’ve become the ‘good one’ of Canada’s two telecom giants. “I don…
