OTTAWA – With more Conservative MPs appearing to embrace right-wing conspiracy theories, Leader of the Opposition Erin O’Toole is assuring all Canadians that the Conservative Party of Canada will always occupy the political centre of the far right.
“Ever since a coalition of anti-choice, anti-gay marriage, anti-Toronto being allowed to exist advocates united behind Stephen Harper to found the modern day Conservative party, we’ve always occupied the middle ground of the extreme right,” said O’Toole. “And that’s not going to change on my watch.”
“Whether you want to shred the social safety net to pieces to prevent illegals from getting access to social services or you think that ‘Globalists’ are putting drugs in the drinking water in order to turn our children non-binary, you’ve got a home in the Conservative Party of Canada.”
In the video released on social media O’Toole then attempts to appeal to middle class Canadians concerns about COVID and the economy by promising that, if he’s elected, he will hold Trudeau upside down and dunk his head in the toilet repeatedly.
“And it won’t be a clean toilet either,” he added!
O’Toole believes this outreach to people from across one narrow sliver of the political spectrum will ensure a victory for the Conservatives in the next election, or at least guarantee that right wing forces are sufficiently riled up that they won’t peacefully accept any election loss.
Of course Prime Minister Justin Trudeau isn’t only facing pressure from his right. The NDP is also ramping up their criticism of the Prime Minister by hiring the brilliant minds behind FuckJerry and The Fat Jew to write hilarious social media posts for them.