CATANIA – Following the announcement that Mount Etna, the Sicilian stratovolcano, has erupted again in a dazzling show of light and lava, rock collectors from around the world are clambering to get their hands on the newest product drop.
“I’ve been waiting in line since four o’clock this morning,” said amateur geologist Jamie Herschel, hoping to get this year’s hot ticket item: jet-black obsidian. “Fortunately, the crowd is thinning out as people get their rocks or are incinerated by the encroaching lava flow.”
The product rollout began with a launch party earlier this week, a surprise event during which brand new models of scalding hot basalt, pumice, and scoria were launched into the air and onto the unsuspecting public.
Many collectors and hobbyists are upset by rumours that professional geologists were allowed early access into the volcano’s magma chamber to claim molten rocks before they hit the streets, and nearby buildings.
Not all rock collectors are as impressed by Etna’s latest offering. “It’s the same thing every year: andesite, rhyolite, then eventually lithified ash,” complained Kevin Correll. “Is it that difficult to increase the Earth’s core temperature to produce some komatiite like they did a few billion years ago?”
Those who didn’t get a chance to claim any items from the new Etna collection are hoping that the Yellowstone supervolcano will announce a major blowout sale soon, a surprise “everything-must-go” event that most North Americans will be woefully unprepared for.