Ottawa – In a fundraising email sent over the weekend, Liberal Party revenue officer Stephen Bronfman promised every donor who contributed over $1000.00 a lengthy and sensual one on one meeting ...
Denis Coderre promises to “jackhammer” all of Montreal’s problems
MONTREAL — After taking a jackhammer to a community mailbox structure in protest of Canada Post’s lack of consultation with the city, Montreal mayor Denis Coderre is launching a new campai...
Inmate Del Mastro caught trading cigarettes for votes
BATH, ON – Corrections officials say former Conservative MP and ethics spokesperson Dean Del Mastro has spent his current prison sentence bribing prisoners to vote Conservative with cigarettes. ...
Nick Kyrgios fined at Rogers Cup for not using tennis-related euphemism in insult
TORONTO — Professional tennis star Nick Kyrgios was fined $10,000 after a match at the Rogers Cup, Wednesday, for insulting his opponent without using a tennis pun as required by ATP guidelines....
Eighteen-year-old finally mature enough to vote against self-interest
KINGSTON — Having reached the age of eighteen, local man Blake Thompson is reportedly thrilled to at last be old enough to vote in a way that will decrease opportunities and benefits for him now and i...
NDP: ‘$17/hour’ in English translates to ‘$15/hour’ in French, ‘$13/hour’ in Punjabi
MONTREAL – NDP Leader Thomas Mulcair has informed the media that the wage gap between party campaign workers is just how $17 per hour in English translates differently into French and Punjabi. “...
Wright clarifies that Harper’s “good to go” meant he’s “DTF”
OTTAWA – Former PMO chief of staff Nigel Wright testified Wednesday that Stephen Harper’s now-infamous “good to go” email was not an endorsement of Wright’s plan to reimburse suspended Senator Mike Du...
Diefenbaker cancels Arrow program after discovering aircraft lacks cupholder
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. February 20th, 1959 WINNIPEG – Prime Minister John Diefenbaker has ordere...
Harper proposes travel ban on Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside
VANCOUVER — Vowing to keep Canadians safe, Prime Minister Stephen Harper promised to criminalize travelling to Vancouver’s notorious East Hasting Street. Harper made the announcement wearing a b...
Tory travel ban successfully forces extremist to book connecting flight out of Frankfurt
GERMANY – A new initiative by the Tory government seeking to outlaw travel to nations with terrorist activity has successfully forced 27 year-old extremist, Fadi Zubeidi, to book a non-direct fl...
