MOSCOW — Team Canada’s Paul Henderson’s game winning goal against the Soviet Union in the Summit Series has unleashed a nuclear apocalypse against the West. Immediately after Henderson recovered...
Children drag kicking and screaming parents from cottage
GEORGIAN BAY, ON – The last cottage weekend for the Roberts family ended in utter turmoil, when the two Roberts children had to literally drag their parents out of the family cottage and to the ...
Student cut from high school musical ‘Oliver’ fulfills life-long promise to destroy the arts
OTTAWA — A former grade nine student has successfully carried out his vindictive wish in cutting arts programs across the country, a vow made in 1973 after he was cut from the lead role in the h...
Stephen Harper slips into fluent Mandarin during French debate
MONTREAL – During a question on the economy during last night’s french language debate Stephen Harper began speaking in sudden, perfect Mandarin for a few short sentences. “The Prime Minister wa...
As pope visits US, Canada welcomes lesser-known pope understudy
OTTAWA — While Pope Francis set off on his American tour in Washington, DC, this week, Canadians quietly welcomed a papal tour of their own from the Holy Father’s understudy, Underpope Steve II....
CBC moves in with Dave following cuts
TORONTO – Reeling under cuts, CBC has begun to sell off its real estate holdings and moved into a two bedroom basement apartment with 26 year old recent graduate Dave Mullins. “CBC is proud to a...
Facebook to add ‘talk about this in person’ button
MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA – On the heels of its long awaited “dislike” button, Facebook has announced plans to launch a “talk about this in person” button that will allow users to take their online quarr...
Local monster opens salad bar in botanical garden
MONTREAL — Today, thousands of visitors to the Montreal Botanical Garden found themselves in disbelief after a man voted by Cult MTL readers as “#1 local monster, baby punter, and all around pie...
Leaked documents show Stephen Harper refused to answer four questions during local Seder
TORONTO – Leaked records released today show that Stephen Harper refused to answer four questions posed to him by children at a local Passover Seder on April 4th, 2015. “I was very disappointed in the...
Heckler at stand-up comedy show punished by having to watch improv comedy show
WINNIPEG – After repeated rude and crass outbursts at the stand up comedians performing on stage local man Ronny Waldston was removed from the Chuckle Hut mainstage and forcibly sat at the impro...
