The Canada Revenue Agency has announced a new category of tax remittance for actors, comedians, improvisers, and other types of performers to pay dues on the vast sums of attention and future opportun...
Mass shooting in _________, USA kills ___
__________, USA — Up to ___ people were killed and ____ more injured after a gunman opened fire at a ________. There were conflicting reports about casualties, but _______ from _______County She...
New Plutocratic Party supporter going to strategically vote Conservative
CALGARY – After determining that his party was unlikely to win, New Plutocratic Party supporter Harris Wilkes has decided to hold his nose and vote for Stephen Harper. “Of course, I’d love to se...
Every federal election candidate resigns after using social media
OTTAWA – All 1,792 candidates running for Canada’s next member of Parliament have announced their resignation after using Twitter and Facebook to express their views for the past ten years. Cand...
NDP hires Michael Ignatieff as campaign advisor
OTTAWA – In order to temper their early-campaign momentum and avoid “growing too quickly,” the New Democratic Party of Canada has hired academic and former Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff as their ca...
‘Insure’ or ‘ensure’ makes citizens unsure
WHITEHORSE — An advisory sign use of ‘insure’ instead of ‘ensure’ has made citizens unsure and increasingly insecure. “At first I was cocksure it was ‘insure’ before the city decided to procure,...
Carly Fiorina vows to end funding for Planned Parenthood baby BBQs
WASHINGTON – Currently polling at 2nd place in the Republican Primary race, Carly Fiorina vowed that if elected, she would personally end funding for Planned Parenthood’s “widely-known practice ...
Maury leaders debate entertains studio audience
TORONTO — Last night on a special Canadian political episode of the Maury Povich Show, three men all claimed that they love Canada and know what’s best for it, but only one can win its heart. Th...
Nestlé purchases full ownership rights to Mars water
WASHINGTON, DC – The Nestlé corporation announced today that it had already purchased full ownership rights to the water flowing underneath the surface of Mars, prior to NASA’s announcement rega...
Federal election campaign enters third geological age
OTTAWA – Two renowned Canadian geologists published a high-profile paper this morning finding that, with three weeks to Election Day, the 2015 federal campaign has officially outlasted two major geolo...
