St John’s, Newfoundland — Despite melting polar ice caps and the global fish population plummeting, marine biologists across the globe have found themselves pointing at the sea, doubled ove…
Montreal’s marionette festival showcases this year’s top nightmares
MONTREAL — The 12th annual Puppet Theatre Festival (Festival des Casteliers) has arrived in Montreal to publicly showcase your most deep-seated fears. Since 2006, the festival has invited a…
Xbox Live player finally admits he didn’t fuck your mother
OSHAWA, ON — In an unexpected turn of events, Xbox Live user 420weedL0rd has admitted that he did not fuck your mother, despite earlier claims of having done so. Nearly three months after “…
Victim of stolen unicycle files for identity theft
MONTREAL — Police issued a state of emergency last night when local “pretty chill guy” Trenton Brenner filed for identity theft shortly after the disappearance of his prized unicycle. Based…
Local monster opens salad bar in botanical garden
MONTREAL — Today, thousands of visitors to the Montreal Botanical Garden found themselves in disbelief after a man voted by Cult MTL readers as “#1 local monster, baby punter, and all aroun…
High levels of childhood obesity in Canada ‘great for business’ says high school bully
PETERBOROUGH — Teenage tyrants across the country raised their victim’s underpants in jubilation today after learning that childhood obesity rates in Canada continue to rise “faster t…