EDMONTON – With the pre-season Stanley Cup favourite Edmonton Oilers struggling to develop momentum, Premier Danielle Smith blamed the team’s performance on the Liberal government’s carbon tax. ...
Law and Order: Toronto to follow exciting story of police ignoring gay community about serial killer
Toronto, ON – Producers of the exciting Law and Order series centering around crimes related to Toronto finally revealed what crime the pilot episode will look at. “We’re very excited to have a ...
Expensive therapist makes higher quality “mmmm” sounds
VANCOUVER — Demand for professional counsellor Lorraine Novak has skyrocketed, thanks to her ability to make particularly empathetic “mmmm” sounds while her clients blab about their miserable lives. “...
SAG Strike ends, forcing actors to abandon nearly-complete Middle East peace plan
HOLLYWOOD – With news that the SAG-AFTRA and Hollywood studios have reached an agreement that will end the months-long entertainment industry strike, reports indicate that a return to work has f...
Local intellectual pumped to spend two weeks saying, “Um, I think you mean American Thanksgiving”
VANCOUVER – Local genius and free thinker Andy Hammond is amped to spend the next several weeks reminding his American friends and relatives that the holiday they are about to celebrate in Ameri...
Right-wing, authoritarian broadcaster known for polarizing comments to meet with Tucker Carlson
CALGARY – Criticism is brewing over the baffling choice to invite a right-wing demagogue and prominent anti-vaxxer to meet with Tucker Carlson. “I’m all for free speech,” said Alberta native Pat...
Homeowner humble brags he needs arborist
VANCOUVER BC – Everyday millionaire and homeowner, Jason Crumps, spent the day humble bragging about how he needs to find an arborist. When the branches of a tree started to scratch at his 3rd s...
Woman takes gap year to backpack through The Bay
MONTREAL – At 7:42 PM on Tuesday, McGill University student, Kathleen Beauce, sent an email to her friends, family, and favorite professors detailing her plans to take a year off school to backp...
Toddler guzzling bathwater like Nero at Bacchanal in waning days of Roman Empire
EDMONTON – Sources from deep within the Robertson household on bath night have confirmed that two year old toddler Sophie has been spotted insatiably devouring cup after cup of bathwater in a hedonist...
You fucking Leafs fans still think I’m the worst Defenceman you’ve ever seen?
By Justin Holl Well well well, look how quickly that shit fucking changed didn’t it you platinum seat suit wearing fucks? For the past 3 years all I’ve heard from you Wendel Clark loving s...
