ST. CATHARINES [sic] – The largest city in the Niagara peninsula has decided to change its name after realizing that the spelling of “St. Catharines” has been wrong for over two cent...
Subsidiary business mortified by antics of parent company
CALGARY – Emerging securities company LokTek announced in a press conference that their entire board of executives is completely embarrassed by the recent actions of their parent company, Edge I...
BREAKING: Gas station bathroom will have to do
OUTSIDE BRANDON, MANITOBA – Late breaking reports from the TransCanada Highway indicate that, with all other conceivable options off the table, the men’s room of the Fast Gas N Go will have to s...
POINT/ COUNTERPOINT: There are too many ducks at this duck pond vs We are the Ducks
There are too many ducks at this duck pond By Agnes Underwood I’ve been coming down to the duck pond by Miller’s Park for 52 years now and it’s about time that I spoke out about something that’s been ...
Rogers offers new ‘re-sign Encarnacion and Bautista’ bundle
TORONTO – Rogers Media, the corporate owner of the Toronto Blue Jays, is now offering its customers a new TV, internet, and phone bundle to ensure free agents Jose Bautista and Edwin Encarnacion...
Alberta’s NDP government to outlaw pickup trucks, steak in 2017
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Rachel Notley announced today that her government has enacted new legislation to ban the use of pickup trucks within the province effective January 1, 2017, with a ste...
Americans pretty sure who these people are, why they’re debating, but can’t say exactly
FARMVILLE, VA – Having stumbled upon what seems to be an important political debate while channel surfing by PBS, the people of the United States are pretty certain who these two men are and why...
Nation’s spittoon manufacturers suffer 125th straight annual loss
RUSTY CREEK – Financial reports out of Rusty Creek, Idaho, the location of the headquarters of the four largest U.S. spittoon manufacturers, have confirmed that spittoon profits are down yet again aft...
3rd Amendment warrior warns Clinton will quarter soldiers in private homes without owner’s consent
Mobile, Alabama – 3rd Amendment values voter Rusty Scofield warns that Hillary Clinton secretly plans to abolish the US Constitution’s 3rd Amendment, in order to house soldiers in citizen’s home...
Polls suggest Canadians want minorities to assimilate to culture they can’t define
CANADA – New polls suggest that 68% of Canadians want minorities to assimilate to Canadian culture while simultaneously having no idea what that really means. “Canada is a cultural mosaic,” said...
