Meet the elite Statistics Canada Census Enforcement Team

OTTAWA — In a secret location at Tunney’s Pasture in Ottawa, an elite team of statisticians are on high alert ready to be deployed anywhere in the country at a moment’s notice in the event …

DNTO cancelled after Sook-Yin Lee runs out of family, friends to interview

TORONTO — After 22 years worth of shows on CBC Radio, Definitely Not the Opera will be cancelled due to host Sook-Yin Lee no longer having any family members, friends or acquaintances left …

Non-basketball fans terrified by news of advancing Raptors

TORONTO – Canadians not following this year’s NBA playoffs now find themselves engulfed in a state of panic and confusion after waking up this morning to news of the advancing Raptors. “WAIT, WHI…

Local mom already teary-eyed full week before Mother’s Day

SASKATOON – Debra McIntosh, a local mother, is barely holding back tears of happiness after she remembered that her husband and children will be celebrating Mother’s Day in a week. “Just th…

Toronto Maple Leafs announce route for Draft Lottery victory parade

TORONTO – After an amazing come from behind win catapulted the Leafs to their first such victory in decades, the team has revealed the time and place of their upcoming Draft Lottery victory…

Online story about Yukon having slowest, most expensive internet still loading

WHITEHORSE — Yukoners were still unaware of the details about a recent study by the Canadian Internet Registration Authority since many were still waiting for their internet browser to load…

BC Liberals blame soaring Christy Clark salary on foreign investment

VANCOUVER – Days after a new report revealed that BC Liberals have been paying Christy Clark an additional $50,000 per year on top of her annual salary to headline fundraising events, the party’s…

‘Smoking actually not that bad for you,’ say cool scientists who hang out behind the lab

WATERLOO – In an astounding announcement made by the popular clique of scientists that hang out behind a Waterloo cancer research laboratory, cigarette smoke has been found to be less of a health…

Shy man eager to be cajoled into dancing

Sudbury, ON – Local partygoer Andrew Heath, currently appearing to be enjoying a calm and pleasant drink, is in reality counting down the seconds until someone loudly and showily pulls him …

Trump demands to see long form copy of Clinton’s woman card

NEW YORK — During an interview on the Today show, Republican candidate Donald Trump once again accused Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton of playing the “woman’s card” to her advantage in…