RBC unveils new savings account to pay for banking fees
TORONTO — Canada’s largest, most profitable bank announced today customers can now open a high interest savings account solely reserved for paying the bank’s lavish charges and fees. “RBC w…
Firefighters save town after repeating ‘white rabbit’ to change wind direction
KEREMOS, BC — A small town in the BC interior has been saved from the flames of a forest fire after dozens of firefighters changed the smoke’s direction by repeatedly saying ‘white rabbit’ …
Montreal declared the ‘I don’t know I’m just trying to figure my shit out’ capital of Canada
MONTREAL — Statistics Canada has named Montreal the “I don’t know I’m just trying to figure my shit out” capital of Canada. The researchers provided some of the stat…
Public servant fired for standing near election sign
OTTAWA — Making good on the promise to crack down on public servants participating in politics, the Department of Justice has fired a federal civil servant for standing too close to an elec…
Study on which brownies had weed in them inconclusive
MONCTON, NB – A report conducted earlier today on which of the brownies had weed in them has come back inconclusive after head researcher Dr. Ken Irons lost track of who ate which brownie. …
Stephen Harper offers cursing supporter Senate appointment
TORONTO – During a campaign stop reporters asking questions about the Duffy scandal were cursed at by a Harper supporter, before he was removed and offered a seat in the Senate. “I spoke to…
Chris Alexander hosts annual draw to see which ethnic group not welcome in Canada
OTTAWA – In one of the most glamorous events of Ottawa’s annual social calendar, Immigration minister Chris Alexander has chosen by lottery which ethnic group will no longer be welcome in C…
Toronto alleviates traffic issues with controlled cull of drivers
TORONTO – After years of downtown gridlock and extremely slow rush hour traffic, the Toronto city council has approved a controlled cull of drivers to help reduce their population numbers. …
ISIS latest group to denounce “The Fat Jew”
RAQQA, SYRIA – Citing the overwhelming backlash surrounding Instagram star Josh Ostrovsky, better known as The Fat Jew, signing with CAA, the Islamic State announced Monday that it has removed th…
Toronto man devastated upon realizing he threw away old Blue Jays jersey
TORONTO — Looking to show support for his home team following their recent string of successes, David Reynolds was grief stricken with the realization that he had discarded his old Blue Jay…
