CALGARY – Just days after voting in a new mandate against single-use items, Calgary’s City Council has voted to scrap the entire bylaw immediately after the first time it was used. On Tuesday an...
Report: New girlfriend excited to use your relationship for TikTok content
MONTREAL – After extensively researching and logging the online activity and social media history of your new girlfriend Melanie, scientists at the University of McGill have concluded that there...
International Court of Justice rules that Israel must bomb civilians more humanely
THE HAGUE – In a preliminary ruling on South Africa v. Israel, the International Court of Justice has decreed that Israel must bomb civilians in the Gaza Strip with more care and compassion. “While I...
CRA in blind panic after someone completes tax return in January
OTTAWA – The Canadian Revenue Agency is reportedly in a state of total meltdown after receiving a complete tax report in the first few weeks of the new year. “I have no idea how the fuck this ha...
6 long winter coats that say “I’m definitely wearing pajamas under here”
Winter is full of small joys – like sipping hot chocolate by the fire, looking at twinkly Christmas lights, and stomping all over snow forts that children spent hours building. But the absolute best t...
Court rules convoy must return to Ottawa after finding Emergencies Act unreasonable
OTTAWA – Following the ruling that the Liberal government’s 2022 use of the Emergencies Act was unreasonable, a Federal judge has ordered that all convoy protestors be welcomed back to Ott...
Previously retired CanadARM bagging groceries to make ends meet
REGINA, SK – Due to rising food prices, inflation, and the general cost of living, the formerly-retired CanadaARM1 has rejoined the workforce by taking on a part-time job at Loblaws. “A lot of s...
The jig is up! Saskatchewan announces they were just fucking with everyone about the whole ‘bunny hug’ thing
SASKATOON – Officials from across the province of Saskatchewan held a press conference to come clean and admit that they were just fucking with everyone about the whole calling a hoodie a “bunny...
Oscar the Grouch criticized for giving children unrealistic housing goals
TORONTO – Sesame Street character Oscar the Grouch has come under fire for setting unattainable housing goals for children by TV critic Madeline Wathers. Famously, Oscar the Grouch lives in a me...
Minister of Housing concerned there might not be a way to fix the housing crisis without upsetting some people
OTTAWA – Housing Minister Sean Fraser has expressed concern that his government may not be able to fix the nation’s housing crisis in a way that will make literally everyone happy. “It’s really ...
