TORONTO – Loblaws announced this week that it will lower its record-breaking prices once the Toronto Maple Leafs stumble their way into a third round victory for the first time in their franchise hist...
Leafs assure devastated fans that this is them trying their best
TORONTO – After delivering an uninspired effort in Game 4 that saw them fall behind 3-1 in their first round series against the Boston Bruins, the Toronto Maple Leafs took time to promise their ...
Poilievre promises if elected, climate change will be the least of our worries
OTTAWA – Facing criticism for not having any plans to combat the climate crisis, opposition leader Pierre Poilievre has promised that if he becomes Prime Minister, “the country will be fac...
Canucks fans denied viewing parties vow to riot and destroy property from the comfort of their homes
VANCOUVER – No official outdoor Canucks viewing parties will be held in Vancouver during the NHL playoffs, prompting angry fans to make due by drunkenly smashing their own possessions. “I have fond me...
Everything freedom loving Conservatives have banned Canadians from doing in recent years
Pierre Poilievre and the Conservatives plan to make Canada the freest country in the world if (ok once) they get into power. In unrelated news here is a list of everything Conservatives currently in p...
American 18-year-olds stoked to vote in last presidential election
FRESNO, CA – Across the United States young people who will turn eighteen by November 5 are expressing their excitement at being able to vote in the last presidential election of their lifetimes...
Calgary unveils new slogan just in time for wildfire season
CALGARY – City officials have announced that Calgary’s official slogan will change to “Blue Sky City”, just in time for the beginning of the province’s annual Wildfire Se...
Poilievre meets with far-right east coast extremists to workshop summer conspiracies
NOVA SCOTIA/NEW BRUNSWICK BORDER – Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre has met with far-right extremists camped out on the border between Nova Scotia and New Brunswick, for the purpose of works...
Was 2003 The Best Year Ever? No, But You People Endlessly Crave Nostalgia Therapy
Nostalgia, Canada – By every single metric, 2003 was a pretty sub-par year but you just need to live in any other time than now, don’t you? So now we have to list a bunch of things from a time y...
Deadpool & Wolverine to finally introduce Canada to Marvel Cinematic Universe
HOLLYWOOD – Superhero movie insiders report the upcoming film Deadpool & Wolverine will at long last introduce the long-rumoured nation of Canada to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. While the...
