Surrey, BC – City officials in Surrey, British Columbia have announced that they plan on designating a Burning Garbage Bag as the city’s official bird. Although the decision was made fairly quic...
Report: Valentine’s Day doesn’t buy into you either, Craig
BRAMPTON, ON – According to a recent report, Valentine’s Day has ceased to believe in Brampton resident Craig Moore. “We’re not going taking part in Craig this year,” read a statement from Valen...
Nation’s doctors demand musicians stop consulting them about love, having blues
OTTAWA – As hospitals and family doctors find themselves increasingly overworked in the winter months, a statement released today by the Canadian Medical Association is imploring musicians and s...
Arby’s responds to KFC’s Valentines Fried Chicken Bouquet with Roast Beef Lingerie
ATLANTA – Refusing to be deterred by competitor KFC’s Fried Chicken Bouquet, Arby’s is celebrating Valentine’s Day with the introduction of 100% edible Roast Beef Lingerie. “When our customers t...
Report: Trump’s first mini-boss defeated
WASHINGTON – Anti-Trump activists across the country are celebrating following the resignation of National Security Advisor Michael Flynn, the first mini-boss in the gauntlet of minions which must be ...
QUIZ: How will you spend Valentine’s Day now that Karen faked her death to get away from you?
Valentine’s Day is almost here, and we’re all ready to spend the day with that special someone! Unless that special someone is Karen, who told you she had typhus and then stopped texting you back. Tha...
Trudeau’s approval rating jumps back to 65% after minute with Trump
OTTAWA – Telephone and internet surveys conducted today have shown that Justin Trudeau’s approval rating returned to its post-election high as soon as he he spent fifty-two seconds standing next to U....
Men’s Rights Activists claim ‘Galentine’s Day’ discriminatory; demand ‘Malentine’s Day’
VANCOUVER – Responding to the emerging trend of “Galentine’s Day”, where women celebrate their female friends the day before Valentine’s Day, Men’s Rights Activists have decried the ...
Report: Nova Scotia closed until first supply ship arrives in spring
HALIFAX – Nova Scotia Premier Stephen McNeil has decreed that all businesses and public institutions be closed until the first supply ship is spotted on the horizon sometime in the Spring. A bli...
PM Trudeau trails in polls to New York Times version of Justin Trudeau
Canada finally has a politician more popular than Justin Trudeau!...
