A SENSIBLE DISTANCE FROM HOLLYWOOD – The latest song from universally-acknowledged recording artist “Regular Al” Yankovic has middled out at a respectable 23 on the Billboard music charts....
Poll suggests 75% of Canadians sick of other 25% always embarrassing them
OTTAWA – A new Angus Reid poll has found that nearly one in four Canadians favours imposing a Trump style Muslim Ban on immigration, while the other three Canadians are sick of that guy being su...
Simon & Schuster, CPAC sever ties with Milo Yiannopoulos after finally googling him for first time ever
NEW YORK – Notorious Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos has lost business deals with Simon & Schuster and the Conservative Political Action Conference after both finally bothered to research...
Entire family unsure who actually wanted to go on cruise
INTERNATIONAL WATERS – Speaking from the middle of a 7 day Caribbean cruise, members of the Webster family are at an absolute loss to explain who thought going on a cruise would be any fun whats...
MFA student in 7th year realizes he’s living the plot of Groundhog Day
Kingston, ON – While watching the film Groundhog Day in his one bedroom apartment on Princess Street, Queen’s University MFA Candidate Charles Rumple stumbled upon the realization that he too wa...
5 ways to abandon your kids on Family Day
You know what they say, kids are either the greatest joy in your life, a constant burden on your spirit, or some combination of both. But no matter how much you love your children, one thing is certai...
Editorial: If Global Warming is real then why am I being sued by a woman who slipped on my sidewalk?
By Taylor Michaels The time has come to start questioning whether the so-called “experts” in climate change really know what they’re talking about. Sure, we all want to believe that the world is getti...
Kevin O’Leary CPC
Because we are so popular with the #youth, the Conservative Party of Canada has hired us to create ads for their leadership candidates. Up first is Mr. Wonderful himself: Kevin O’Leary....
Confirmed: It’s those damn kids again
COLLINGWOOD ON – A report released earlier today by a think tank of local curmudgeons, crabs and cranks has sadly confirmed what many in the curmudgeon community already knew: It’s those damn kids aga...
All-white, all-male reboot of “Hidden Figures” in the works
LOS ANGELES – Production has begun on an all white, male reboot of the hit 2016 movie Hidden Figures. The movie, titled simply, Figures, will tell the story of three caucasian men who don’t have...
