EDMONTON – Disappointing both his parents and his gentle-hearted saviour Zognath, local man Eric Timmins has started dating a girl whose family are lapsed Groznites. “Of course I take it persona...
Local man learns just enough Spanish to be murdered in Mexico City
VAUGHAN – Local bartender Henry McCullough has acquired just enough Spanish grammar and vocabulary in preparation for his trip to Mexico to be killed in its capital city. “Duolingo has bee...
Montreal’s marionette festival showcases this year’s top nightmares
MONTREAL — The 12th annual Puppet Theatre Festival (Festival des Casteliers) has arrived in Montreal to publicly showcase your most deep-seated fears. Since 2006, the festival has invited audien...
Good news! That friend you don’t want to hang out with anymore just shared a Rebel Media article
WINNIPEG – Finally some good news for a change! Jason, that guy from university who you are tired of “grabbing a beer” with once every six months just posted an article from alt-right hate websi...
Kevin O’Leary vows to prioritize mediocrity over diversity
OTTAWA – A day after declaring the prime minister’s cabinet was mediocre because ‘diversity’ was prioritized, Kevin O’Leary has vowed to prioritize mediocrity instead. “If elected, I will end th...
White drug dealers shocked to receive same treatment as ethnic drug dealers
TORONTO – Owners of popular pot chain Cannabis Culture, Marc and Jodie Emery were shocked on Wednesday evening when their arrest at Pearson airport brought on the creeping realization that they ...
TD offering account insurance to protect against TD-related fraud
TORONTO – In response to allegations that the bank had pressured its employees to break the law to meet sales targets, TD is now providing account insurance to prevent TD-related fraud and misre...
Thinking of visiting one of the most beautiful natural tourist traps in the world?
Our guide to Niagara Falls!...
Rest of Canada unable to name city in Manitoba after Winnipeg
OTTAWA – Scratching their heads and stating that it’s on the tip of their tongues, everyone in the nation outside of Manitoba was completely at a loss when asked to name a city in the province o...
Tory senator wants to “focus on the good” of gaping wound in leg
OTTAWA — Conservative Senator Lynn Beyak announced to the Red Chamber today that she wants to “focus on the good” aspects of the large, exposed wound on her left leg. Beyak, who recently asked t...
