Local man unaware that NHL team cannot hear him through TV

Prince George, BC – Local man Ed Doherty has coached an entire NHL hockey game seemingly unaware that the Vancouver Canucks players, coaches or referees cannot hear him. The 54-year-old beg…

Lame firetruck barely on fire

LITTLE BAY, ON – For something that purports to be a truck of flame, one local engine can scarcely be said to be burning at all. “This is bullshit,” said local man Dave Menenzes. “You hear …

CBC purchases $1.2 million helicopter to cover more feel-good Syrian refugee stories

TORONTO – The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation has announced the recent purchase of a $1.2 million Bell 206 helicopter to meet the public’s demand for heartwarming stories about Syrian ref…

Honest Ed’s condo developer promises to maintain character of community with even worse puns

TORONTO – Honest Ed’s, the Toronto discount shopping institution, will shut its doors today after 68 years. As the neighbourhood mourns its loss, the builders responsible for the redevelopm…

Canadian Man Responds To Mean Tweets: BeavFeed

  Online bullying has got to stop!…

Back-up toque promoted to first string following loss of star toque

MONTREAL — Formerly a fourth string benchwarmer in Steve’s winter hat roster, a plain black toque has been bumped up to starting player following the loss of a beloved red beanie. The black toque…

Man clipping his toenails at work suddenly realizes entire rest of UN looking at him

GENEVA – After spending 10 minutes carefully cutting his toenails on his desk, Elbio Rosselli, the Permanent Representative of Uruguay to the United Nations, suddenly realized that the enti…

90% of local man’s texts just Rogers alerts

BARRIE – Local man Aarav Verma has done the math and determined that 9 out of every 10 texts he receives are notifications from his cell phone carrier about potential deals in his area. “I …

How To: make maple syrup

  Your fingers will get sticky just WATCHING this video. Educational Content Time!…

Man successfully saves on Ontario hydro bill by becoming Amish

Norwich, ON – High hydro bills are a thing of the past for one man who turned off every light in his house, rejected all forms of modernity, and joined a local Amish community. “I tried eve…