Thousands of Quebec women gather at vigil for discontinued “Bold Burgundy #188”

MONTREAL — Thousands of women gathered in downtown Montreal today to mourn the loss of legendary Féria hair colour, “Bold Burgundy #188”. The candlelight vigil, organized by local salon own…

Guide To: The Giant Man In The Ice

  We obviously know you’ve already seen all the global coverage on this, but we thought we’d do it too.…

Cool aunt now appropriating Asian culture

PETERBOROUGH, ON – After five months of yoga and Bhagavad Gita quotes that she read online, Aunt Deborah has now begun to misappropriate cultural elements from various east Asian societies,…

New York Times lists Canada as No. 1 place to boost their web traffic when mentioned

NEW YORK CITY – Citing our country’s friendly, yet susceptible people and our natural insecurity, The New York Times has described Canada as the number one country in the world to surge the…

The Beaverton apologizes for anti-Brad Wall tweet where we called him ‘a fucking fuck face’

TORONTO – The editors of the Beaverton offer our deepest regrets to Saskatchewan Prime Minister Brad Wall for our recent tweet where we called him a “fucking fuck face.” “Obviously things g…

Slacktivism Defeats ISIS

  “Thank you, thank all of you”…

New 2TB thumb drive allows users to store, misplace lifetime of memories

Fountain Valley, CA – Kingston Technology has developed a 2TB flash drive which can store a lifetime worth of memories before users misplace it somewhere in their house or at work. The Data…

Quiz: How will you be complicit in the death of western democracy?

We all know that western democracy is dying, and that we all are complicit in its demise. But there are so many ways we as humans are contributing to the downfall of the modern world, it can be h…

Vancouver’s use of organic salt-alternative for sidewalks backfires

VANCOUVER – The City of Vancouver’s plan to use a more environmentally friendly alternative to salt has not been effective at reducing the ice that still coats most of the municipality’s si…

Breaking: douchebag facebook friend to run for Conservative Party Leader

Sydney, N.S. – Ending months of speculation and rumour, that annoyingly conservative guy from your facebook who you went to school with has announced that he will indeed run to be leader of…