Ben Carson hopes to improve urban areas with Atlantic triangular trade initiative

WASHINGTON D.C. – United States Housing and Urban Development Secretary, Ben Carson announced a new plan to bring work to US cities based on an influx of unpaid “immigrants”. “This country …

Thunder Bay transit opens single subway station

THUNDER BAY, ON – Transit advocates and city residents celebrated the grand opening of the city of Thunder Bay’s first and only subway station today, located on Memorial Ave. near the Inter…

Breaking: Yes you did forget to lock your front door, idiot

SIX BLOCKS FROM YOUR PLACE – Reports are confirming that the nagging feeling that you left your door unlocked is 100% correct and that people will soon be robbing the place blind you moron. “But …

Leitch releases ‘Canadian values’ questions designed to catch the most honest terrorists

OTTAWA — Conservative Leadership candidate Kellie Leitch has released her list of “Canadian values test” questions, which she promises will catch terrorists provided they never, ever tell a…

Man outraged by closure of local business he never visited

CALGARY – A local man was angered and saddened to hear that another local business he never once set foot in was closing its doors forever. A disappointed Aaron Morales says that Martha’s G…

John Tory raises transit funds by putting City Hall futon on Craigslist

TORONTO – After Premier Wynne rejected his plan to pay for transit infrastructure with road tolls, Mayor John Tory has been forced to raise funds by putting the City Hall futon on Craigslis…

Chris Alexander denies claim that he is Chucky doll

  Our conservative party funded ads continue today with leadership candidate Chris Alexander.…

Local man working ass off to shoehorn one of his 3 memes into internet argument

BRANDON, MB – An online argument about the existence of the gender wage gap reportedly has one of the participants, avid twitter user Adam Campbell, working his absolute ass off to incorpor…

Atellia, Goddess of Light writes herself into fan fiction about average high school

CELESTIAL KINGDOM – In a move that had other omnipotent deities rolling their eyes, Atellia Goddess of Light has written herself into a fan fiction about a mid-sized suburban high school. I…

Picture of chicken and waffles gets more likes than all of woman’s life accomplishments combined

TORONTO – Unexpectedly captured reacting to an oversized order of chicken and waffles, local woman Christine Newman was shocked to see the photo receive more likes on social media than ever…