TORONTO – Striking a delicate balance of ensuring no person feels left out, Canada’s public broadcaster has announced that the entire population of the country will now host the flagship news program The National.
CBC began the very long announcement early today and is expected to end sometime next year after every Canadian is aware that they will be hosting the show every weeknight at 10 PM local time.
“We didn’t want 36 million versions of the same person,” Jennifer McGuire, editor-in-chief for CBC News. “Since we spent so much time worrying about the inevitable criticism we would receive on gender equity and diversity with having one host, we decided to give everyone the job, quite literally.”
In addition to seasoned CBC journalists such as Rosemary Barton, Adrienne Arsenault, Andrew Chang, and Ian Hanomansing hosting the program, millions of Canadians will also share the responsibility of updating the country on national and international events by speaking all at once with different stories and different perceptions of reality often contradicting one another.
Tonight’s program will feature Mary Hilton in Kindersley, Saskatchewan reporting on a slow garbage pick-up today, while Kazim Shah in Markham has a special feature on how proud he is of his daughter for scoring a goal at her soccer game yesterday. Two-year-old Jackson DeWitt will have an exposé on things to chew inside the house and the injustice of being served food when he’s not hungry.
Meanwhile, newly-hired CBC Reporter Ezra Levant was already criticizing the CBC for being too inclusive, though did not decline to accept the paycheque.
