OTTAWA – The Bank of Canada was forced to submit into circulation a vertical $10 bill after a worker at the Canadian Bank Note Company failed to select ‘Landscape mode’ from the print opti...
Conservatives find a new use for the barbaric practice of conversion therapy: converting gay men to conservative party voters.
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton....
Report: Smug hotshot too good to climb stairs one step at a time
WINDSOR, ON – Early reports indicate that some pompous prick is far too good to walk up a set of stairs one step at a time like the rest of us. Nathaniel Smeeton, a conceited university student,...
Tom Mulcair sad no one noticed when he went to the Sikh separatist rallies
OTTAWA – Former NDP leader Tom Mulcair is reportedly upset that current leader Jagmeet Singh’s appearances alongside Sikh separatists are attracting more attention then his frequent and far more...
Women! Stop worrying about your “bikini body.” Here are 6 other things you can worry about instead!
The world has embraced body positivity: You don’t need to be a certain way in order to be beautiful! So now what spring is upon us, why not spend your limited time on this Earth worrying about a bunch...
Toronto Zoo sending giant pandas to Calgary to make space for one colossal panda
TORONTO — Zoo staff are bidding a fond farewell as the four giant pandas they hosted for several years are being sent to the Calgary Zoo in order to make space for one colossal panda. “It’s been an en...
Trump fires teenagers investigating his old haunted amusement park
ATLANTIC CITY — While investigating a reportedly-haunted amusement park, four local teen sleuths and their crime-solving great dane had their case halted by an unlikely source: current President...
Armed U.S. teacher arrested for carrying gun containing trace amounts of peanut
EL PASO, TX — A high school teacher in Texas who was participating in a pilot program that armed teachers with guns to ensure school safety has been arrested for bringing in a gun that contained...
Ontario PC’s unveil dental plan: a pair of pliers poor people can borrow
TORONTO – In response to the NDP’s campaign promise to institute universal dental care for Ontario residents if elected, the Progressive Conservatives announced their own dental plan: a single c...
Vladimir Putin suspected of colluding with Russians to win election
MOSCOW – In a victory speech today, Vladimir Putin staunchly denied any collusion with Russians to aid his campaign, allegations which have cast a dark shadow on his decisive 4th election win as...
