OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre couldn’t contain his glee today upon hearing the news that Donald Trump plans to enact a 25% tariff on Canadian goods as soon as he takes office. “Our largest trading p...
Defiant Joe Rogan insists he’s not a propaganda asset, just actually this stupid
AUSTIN, TX – Following comments on Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, where multi-millionaire podcaster Joe Rogan blamed Ukrainian defence for “causing World War III”, the podcast p...
Local man hoping for Christmas miracle of Canada Post employees surrendering collective bargaining rights
Brandon, Manitoba – Robert Jones is praying for a miracle as the Canada Post strike enters its second week – the miracle of postal workers putting down their picket signs, shutting the fuck up, and ge...
EDITORIAL: Why my cheque giveaway is great whereas Doug Ford’s cheque giveaway is desperate and terrible – by Justin Trudeau
Hello. It’s me, Canada’s most popular Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. Here to tell you all the good news – that I feel your pain. I don’t mean feel your pain in a literal sense...
Opinion: Bluesky is a dangerous echo chamber because no one wants to hear from me, specifically
By Freya Grosvenor-Kent Two years ago, Elon Musk bought Twitter. I personally didn’t have a problem with that, because I’m a common sense centrist who nevertheless only writes about how much I ...
Restaurant lets customer pick lobster they want to fuck
HALIFAX – To the delight of its longstanding customers, Jimmy’s Seafood and Steak Shack has recently installed a 200 galleon tank full of live lobsters so customers can have their pick of which one th...
ICC issuing arrest warrant for Netanyahu clear proof of court’s bias against genocidal maniacs
The Hague, Netherlands – The International Criminal Court has issued arrest warrants for Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu and former Defence Minister Yoav Gallant in a clear demonstration of its bi...
“Let’s do this again soon!” says friend you will literally never see again
TORONTO – A friend you will literally never see again has proclaimed you should “do this again soon!” Carol Andrews, 29, made the bold statement after a thrice-cancelled brunch with your friend group ...
“Confidence is the key to success” claim wealthy, attractive people
Guelph, ON – Have you ever wondered about the secret to a more successful life? It turns out it’s confidence, according to beautiful people born into generational wealth. Decades of psychological and ...
