TORONTO – Reports from this morning rush hour suggest that people who drive everywhere continue to wonder why Toronto traffic is so bad. “I don’t understand it,” said Lloyd Tra...
Local man confident Syrian regime change either good news or bad news
GUELPH, ON – Upon reading headlines that Syria’s Bashar Al Assad regime has been deposed by rebel forces, local data specialist Michael Varley has responded conclusively that this is either very...
Latest Drake track features his Mom asking Kendrick to stop bullying her son
TORONTO – The latest diss track in the hip-hop industry’s highest profile feud features Drake’s mother, Sandi Graham, personally requesting that rap superstar Kendrick Lamar stop say...
Puerto Ricans pissed Canada could become U.S. state before them
SAN JUAN, PR – In the wake of Donald Trump unveiling plans to make Canada the 51st U.S. state, Puerto Ricans who have been trying to attain proper electoral representation expressed their frustration ...
Report: Exhausting, unfulfilling suburban life you hate is university student’s unattainable dream
PICKERING, ON ― A scathing new report released today has found that local 52-year-old Linda Pike’s mid-life crisis is every university student’s dream problem, and that they probably won’t notice when...
Report: Juan Soto in talks with Ohtani about best way to get Canadians’ hopes up before crushing their dreams
TORONTO – As rumours and speculation fly around whether or not the Blue Jays will acquire free agent and four-time All-Star Juan Soto, Soto was recently spotted talking to Shohei Ohtani about th...
Trump encouraging NATO members to increase military spending by making the US a viable target
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – U.S. President-Elect Donald Trump has unveiled a key component of his plan to make other member nations of NATO invest more in defense; turning America into a viable internation...
Op-Ed: The “Wicked” movie shows us what audiences really want — more films about green people
By Cash Ritchie, Senior VP, Finance, at WoodHolly Studios The Wicked movie has already proven a resounding success not only for Universal, but for show business at large. As the industry continues to ...
Transparent plots to buy votes are cynical, effective, political scientists find
OTTAWA, ON ― A new survey of political scientists found broad consensus that financial giveaways are a both arrogant and very successful strategy to curry the favour of voters too shortsighted to put ...
Weird! Woman’s comfort show doesn’t have any monsters or murder
LONDON, ON – A local woman has shocked friends and family by revealing that her favourite comfort show contains neither fantastical creatures, nor grisly true crime homicides. Vanessa Parker, 34, reve...
