MONTREAL – A nationwide survey of children’s entertainers has made a surprising discovery; family-friendly songwriter Rafe Le Rafe is not an Australian. “Yeah, I grew up in the suburbs and just ...
Chrystia Freeland steps down after fixing Canadian economy
OTTAWA – Canadian Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland has triumphantly announced her resignation after proclaiming victory over all aspects of Canada’s formerly troubled economy. “I’m a firm believe th...
Time Magazine strains definition of “Person”
NEW YORK CITY – Times Magazine has announced that Donald Trump has been named in their latest issue as their Person of the year, stretching the definition of “person” to its absolute limit. “He was bo...
Trudeau orders end to Canada Post strike after learning Santa Claus not real
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has ordered an end to the ongoing Canada Post strike after learning that Santa Claus, who he was counting on to deliver presents to the entire country this...
Trudeau unveils new campaign slogan: “I Got Jordan Peterson to Leave”
OTTAWA — After disgraced professor and beef enthusiast Jordan Peterson announced yesterday that he had moved to Florida due to the Canadian government’s allegedly woke fascist policies, Justin Trudeau...
“It’s ‘tax Christmas,’ not ‘tax holiday,’” says local culture warrior
WATERLOO, ON ― With the GST break coming into effect, petty, irate, and aptly-named 46-year-old woman Karen Thorpe recently castigated a teenaged cashier for blaspheming against the Lord by using the ...
Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why
According to a recent poll, about 13% of Canadians support Donald Trump’s recent suggestion that Canada become the 51st state. Naturally we wanted to ask them “what the fuck is wrong with ...
Breaking: doctors starting to suspect that women’s bodies work differently than men’s
REGINA, SK – In a groundbreaking speech, Dr. Jeremy Edgar of Fairmont Grover Health Research Institute, delivered new findings that the female body may have innate biological differences than ma...
Ontario passes bill allowing bike paths that lead to walls with tunnels painted on them
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford’s government successfully passed a bill today allowing municipalities to create bike paths throughout the province so long as they lead to a wall with the image...
Leafs confident they’ll keep winning as long as they get the best goaltending in the league every single night
TORONTO – As they continue to win games despite being completely unable to score goals, the Toronto Maple Leafs players and coaches expressed confidence that their success will continue as long ...
