Film Review: Detective Pikachu glamorizes Pokémon-on-Pokémon violence

Detective Pikachu plunges audiences into the urban fantasy of Ryme City, a metropolis populated with humans and Pokémon “coexisting peacefully,” as long as the Pokémon serve us as bartenders and …

“Aspartame is bad for you,” says friend who just snorted gigantic line of ketamine

MONTREAL – Moments after doing a line of ketamine last night, Holden Morrisey, 23, revealed to an astonished crowd of warehouse partygoers that the can of Diet Coke his friend was holding would l…

Breaking: Tall woman recognized for something other than being tall

CALGARY — In a historic moment for tall women everywhere, Susan Kettleman was recognized for something outside of her height earlier today. “I assumed I was being asked into my boss’s…

Man carefully proofreads dick pic before sending

VANCOUVER – Sources outside the Roxy nightclub report that 22-year old Cody Parsons has finally sent a carefully composed and meticulously curated image of his semi-erect penis to a woman h…

Local man needlessly stressed that 23andMe will clone his terrible DNA

CALGARY — Reports indicate that local man, Michael Greenwich, refuses to use the 23andMe kit gifted to him by his Mother out of a fear that they will duplicate his absolutely heinous DNA. “…

Woman killed by monster after realizing running is worse than death

TORONTO – Following a terrifying appearance of a werewolf in Toronto’s High Park, 33-year-old accountant Felicia Delmont was savagely ripped to pieces due to her complete and utter refusal to eng…

Protesting seniors carrying 256-page weapons at MPP’s office has Ford government vowing stronger book control laws

BEAMSVILLE, ON – After a tense standoff between Ontario Progressive Conservative MPP Sam Oosterhoff constituency staff and about a dozen seniors heavily armed with books, Premier Doug Ford …

New royal baby already accomplished everything in life he is expected to

LONDON – Swiftly following the birth of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s first child, Buckingham Palace spokespeople confirmed that he has already achieved all goals, objectives, and purposes exp…

Local woman nods enthusiastically at anecdote she didn’t hear

CALGARY – Earlier today Kaitlyn Crandell was seen nodding encouragingly at a story she completely missed. “It really seemed like Kaitlyn enjoyed my anecdote. She was nodding so fervently” s…

Stranger Things plagiarism lawsuit dropped after Duffer Brothers prove they stole everything from other sources

HOLLYWOOD – A lawsuit brought by a filmmaker who alleged that the Netflix megahit show Stranger Things was based on his ideas has been withdrawn after the Duffer Brothers and Netflix were a…