QUEBEC CITY, QC – Facing criticism of the recent province-wide curfew, Quebec health officials have revealed the precaution is intended to shield the population from a recently discovered vampir...
Kamala Harris promises more BIPOC representation in US prison population
WASHINGTON D.C. – Kamala Harris, who made history this week being sworn in as the first Indian-American and Black vice president, has assured Americans that she is also staunchly committed to di...
Sleep scientists announce they don’t know what the fuck to do with their arms when lying down either
MONTREAL – The nation’s top sleep researchers made a joint statement earlier today announcing that they too have no goddamn idea what to do with their arms when trying to sleep. Dr. Fran McMatto...
Julie Payette: I’m so sorry that my staffers are all a bunch of pussies
OTTAWA – Following news accounts of a scathing independent report into her workplace behaviour, Julie Payette resigned yesterday as Canada’s Governor General and released a public resignation le...
Jason Kenney thanks Biden for giving him new thing to blame all of Alberta’s economic woes on
EDMONTON – Following incoming President Joe Biden’s decision to scrap approvals for the Keystone XL pipeline, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney called Biden to personally thank him for “basically wri...
Russian opposition leader Navalny will get fair trial, says head judge Vladimir Rutin
MOSCOW – Following the arrest of frequent Vladimir Putin critic Alexei Navalny, skeptics have been assured that the upcoming trial will be fair and impartial, according to newly-appointed head j...
Mitch McConnell bites hand that no longer feeds him
WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning show of bravery Mitch McConnell has publicly blamed President Trump for the January 6th Capitol riots, effectively biting the hand that’s fed him for the past four...
Alberta comforts grieving families by reminding them that COVID victims will someday turn into oil
EDMONTON, AB – As Alberta surpasses 1400 deaths from coronavirus, the Alberta Conservative government is consoling family and friends by reminding them that, under the right conditions, the bodi...
Report: Trump still trying to get Biden to touch ‘Freaky Friday’ amulet
WASHINGTON D.C. – As Joe Biden is officially sworn in as the 46th president of the United States, insiders report that former president Trump is currently hiding in the White House hoping to tri...
Canada happy for friend who just got out of terrible relationship
OTTAWA – Canada is pleased as punch that its closest friend and neighbour is no longer in a long-term relationship with a real piece of shit. “It’s hard, when you see a powerful nation, one you ...
