WASHINGTON D.C. – As Joe Biden is officially sworn in as the 46th president of the United States, insiders report that former president Trump is currently hiding in the White House hoping to trick his successor into touching a cursed amulet and swapping bodies.
Trump, currently rumoured to be facing millions in outstanding debts and looming criminal exposure, reportedly hatched the body swap plan after failing to overturn the results of November’s election. Insiders report the ex-president was advised by personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani that switching bodies with his political rival is “currently his last and best remaining legal defense.” At that point, the plan was put in motion.
“This morning Mr. Trump kept giggling to himself, saying ‘Wait’ll Sleepy Joe wakes up in my body and finds out how many people are coming after him’,” explained one outgoing Trump aide. “Then he took his amulet and hid in a closet in the West Wing. Nobody’s heard from him in hours.”
Sources indicate Trump got the idea to magically trade bodies with incoming president Biden while flipping past the movie Freaky Friday during an extended cable news watching session. Trump immediately ordered his personal attorney Rudy Giuliani to “get me the amulet from the movie”, and was surprised when the former New York mayor returned with the item 3 hours later, “no questions asked”.
Insiders remain split as to whether Trump’s amulet actually possesses mystical body-swapping properties. Reports indicate Trump ordered sons Don Jr and Eric to both grab the amulet in order to test it, before growing frustrated that he still could not tell them apart.
While some speculate that Trump intends to switch bodies with Biden in order to continue his own administration’s policies, others believe that Trump is more intent on living inside the current president’s body, which experts agree is “far healthier despite being 4 years older.
At press time, reports indicate that Trump accidentally touched the body switching amulet at the same time as the Bidens’ adopted dog, Champ, and that Melania Trump “is in no hurry to reverse the switch”.