QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has expanded on the “strong mayor” powers he gave certain municipalities earlier this year, stating they only apply to mayors who …
Tag: mayor
Mayor-elect Olivia Chow currently riding bike to go do donuts on Doug Ford’s lawn
TORONTO – Following her victory in last night’s citywide election, mayor elect Olivia Chow has announced that her first order of business will be to ride her bike directly to Etobicok…
Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race
It’s sex scandal caused election day in Toronto! The city is ready to move on from legendary horn dog John Tory and install a new Strong Mayor. But which of the 500 candidates deserves your…
John Tory admits to fucking Toronto
TORONTO – In breaking news, Mayor John Tory has announced his resignation after admitting to fucking Toronto. “It was a serious error of judgment on my part,” the longtime polit…
This Brad J. Lamb condo development sign is running for Mayor of Toronto
TORONTO – In the lead up to the October 22 municipal election, it looks like incumbent Mayor John Tory will have a new opponent to face: this Brad J. Lamb Condo Development Notice Sign. The…
Doug Ford won’t stop taping ‘Mayor Of Toronto’ sign on office door
TORONTO – Despite being removed every night by janitorial staff, Doug Ford continues to tape a handwritten sign on his office door that reads ‘Mayor of Toronto.’ “At first I thought it was …
John Tory stunned to learn he can’t send butler to vote for him
TORONTO — As Torontonians head to the polls, Mayor John Tory is reportedly shocked that he cannot send his butler, Reginald Percy Shillingsworth, to cast his ballot for him. “What? You expe…
Final Vancouver election polls show dead heat between ‘Wait, there’s an election?’ and ‘Oh, that explains the yard signs’
VANCOUVER – The race to replace retiring Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson ends today and polls show it’s a toss up between people who don’t know there’s an election and people who’ve just l…
Doug Ford announces plans to make 2018 fucking unbearable
TORONTO — In the lead-up to his annual Ford Fest rally, Doug Ford is already announcing plans to make 2018 “absolutely frigging brutal” by once again running for mayor. “Doug’s back, losers…
Man who lives in PATH willing to guide topsider to Eaton Centre, for a price
TORONTO – One of the many residents of Toronto’s underground system of pedestrian walkways, ‘the PATH’, is willing to guide topsiders through the tunnels to the Eaton Centre, in return for …