“I did it!!, I finally did it!!” exclaimed local man Chimothee Talamet, as he finally took 45 seconds out of his day of a cushy white collar job and playing video games to unsubscribe from his college...
Vanilla yogurt holds slight lead in Conservative leadership opinion polls
OTTAWA – A rather bland Conservative leadership candidate has gained a slight lead in opinion polls, according to the latest survey data. Leger polling suggests a tub of vanilla yogurt is enjoying a m...
Urban obstacle course installed for men to jump high and touch stuff
TORONTO – City officials cut the ribbon on the Parks Department’s most recent project this weekend; an urban obstacle course where men can jump real high and touch stuff. The course resembles a...
Conservative Leadership Candidate Profile: Pierre Poilievre
Background: Poilievre was born wearing a suit, glasses and a sneer. He immediately used his first words to tell the doctor who delivered him everything she had done wrong. He subsequently studied inte...
New law forbids tourists from leaving Montreal until they eat a poutine
MONTREAL – Montreal Mayor Valerie Plante announced a new measure where tourists will no longer be allowed to leave the city limits unless they have eaten one of the city’s signature dishes, a po...
Report: Only way to settle Matthews v. McDavid debate is when they’re both playing for the Leafs
TORONTO – As the debate rages about who is the best player in the NHL: Auston Matthews or Connor McDavid, experts are saying there is no real way to properly settle the debate until they both pl...
Feel old yet? All the puppets from Mr. Dressup are now dead
It’s the end of an era in Canadian media – the final puppet from beloved children’s program Mr. Dressup has just passed away. Annie, the granddaughter of co-star Granny, died early this we...
New Tesla safety feature requires user retweet Elon Musk to start vehicle
AUSTIN, TX — On the heels of news that Elon Musk had become Twitter’s single largest shareholder, Tesla Motors has unveiled a new safety feature requiring the driver to demonstrate being capable...
Employer successfully schedules return to office for peak of new COVID wave yet again
TORONTO – Local consulting firm J.P. Binderschlatz & Co. has once again asked it’s 40 employees to return to work in-office right at the peak of the latest COVID wave. “We’...
Cancel culture run rampant: Louis C.K. forced to win a mere Grammy
LAS VEGAS – Louis C.K. has won the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album, proving once again that cancel culture is out of control in the western world. “If we, as a society, were serious about rehabili...
