Dad does dad thing

A CANADIAN SUBURB – Multiple sources are reporting that John Jackson, a local father of three, is going to spend the day performing an activity associated with his status as a dad. “I can’t wait …

Fake doctors take brave stand against real medicine

VANCOUVER – The B.C. College of Chiropractors, firmly rejecting the scientific method in favor of treatment by loud bone-cracking sounds, voted overwhelmingly against a vaccine mandate at t…

Childhood home sold to lovely young numbered holding company

BRAMPTON – Local family the Feldmans have recently sold their beloved 2-story bungalow to a charming, newly-incorporated holding company. “Our family made a lot of memories in that home,” e…

Unvaccinated Toronto Police officers on unpaid leave told that if they wanted paid leave they should have shot somebody

TORONTO – Over one hundred uniformed members of the Toronto Police Services who have not been vaccinated have been placed on unpaid leave after being informed they did not meet the brutalit…

Red Cross to support Alberta by airlifting Jason Kenney to another province

SHERWOOD PARK – In an attempt to quell the deadly fourth wave of COVID-19 still sweeping through the province of Alberta, the Red Cross has announced that it will be stepping in to offer em…

Single drop of sweat falls down local dad’s face as he tells daycare worker his child doesn’t have runny nose

TORONTO – As local father Jalen Hart told the worker asking COVID checklist questions at the front entrance of the Little Tot’s Playhouse daycare that his child Marcus did not have a …

Canadian mothers reject Omicron variant: “We have perfectly good Delta at home!”

CANADA – Canadian mothers are soundly rejecting the new Omicron variant spreading across the globe on the grounds that we already have more than enough Delta variant at home.  “The man on t…

Humane society seizes Brendan Lemieux for biting

NEW YORK – The Humane Society has seized Los Angeles Kings forward Brendan Lemieux for biting another player last Saturday. The 25-year-old American breed was taken away by dog handlers usi…

Dying uncle confesses the fish he caught wasn’t that big

CALGARY – In an effort to clear his conscience before he expires, terminally ill uncle of four Michael Grosberg has admitted to his family that the monster pike he claims to have caught in …

Man who owns rug sick of friends always asking for help moving bodies

CALGARY – Local accountant David Summerson is tired of his friends continually expecting him to assist them in body disposal ever since he purchased a long, thick rug. “I didn’t realize how…