Heroic! This ally promises that the onslaught of transphobia will blow over in a decade or so

In a move that is being referred to as “heroic,” “inspiring,” and “well-intended,” cisgender ally Nicholas Carter reassured trans people today that if they just hang in there for another ten year…

Nova Scotian mall insists giant tree will only eat “3 to 4 kids, max” this Christmas

DARTMOUTH, NS – With international media picking up the story of “the creepiest Christmas tree of 2021”, administrators at Mic Mac Mall have assured shoppers that Woody will consume no more…

Green Party looking for couch to crash on

OTTAWA – With the Green Party potentially shuttering its head office as it struggles with insolvency, sources report that it will be looking for a couch to crash on until it can get back on its f…

Canada announces travel restrictions for vaccines heading to other countries

OTTAWA – In response to the new omicron variant of Covid-19 the Canadian government has announced new travel restrictions, aimed at preventing any vaccines from leaving Canada for other cou…

FILM REVIEW: Squid Game porn parody gets real weird, real quick

HAMILTON – Hi again, loyal readers! I’m here to give you the inside scoop on everything film and I’m thrilled to tell you all that the newly released porn parody of hit Netflix series Squid Game …

Woman starts new life in woods after spelling “recommend” wrong 3 times in a row

MONCTON – Michelle Javernick, nurse and mother of two, walked straight into the lush New Brunswick wilderness this week to restart her life after unsuccessfully attempting to spell “recomme…

Band reunites to play worst album in its entirety

TORONTO – Yesterday, seminal pop-punk act The Pressgang announced the band will reunite next February to play Elipsis – the group’s objectively worst album – in its entire…

Woman who stopped using self-deprecating humor not really funny anymore 

VANCOUVER-  Authorities and loved ones of local woman Ashley Calpeski became concerned last week when she stopped saying self-deprecating things about herself and started being no fun. “Ashley is…

Serial Killer hoping to continue working remotely at least part time

HILLSIDE FALLS – Local serial killer, Stanley “The Hillside Reaper” Chisolm, has reported experiencing mixed emotions regarding the reopening of workplaces, hoping to maintain work-from-home for …

Grocery bag really excited to become garbage bag

OTTAWA – A report coming from the nation’s bathrooms and under the kitchen sinks have found that your plastic grocery bag is really excited to be used as a garbage bag. “Mih Yinkd hah…