CALGARY – Local restaurant hostess and former beauty queen Sonia Norris is desperate for a man to tell her about Bitcoin, and can’t fathom why none of them will.
“Nothing turns me on more than the thought of a guy telling me about Bitcoin for six hours without taking a single breath,” Norris said. “But Calgary men only want to talk about their feelings, or worse yet, ask me questions about my life.”
“Crypto enthusiasts are famously shy,” said dating expert Sheryl Yang. “They know how eager women are to be on the receiving end of a practised rant about the inevitable collapse of fiat currencies. But these men live in fear that they’ll lead someone into a risky investment. And if it were to permanently crash, they’d never forgive themselves.”
A 26-year-old Moncton-based cryptocurrency broker, speaking on condition of anonymity, said learning about the intricacies of Bitcoin is his passion, but he cringes at the thought of describing it to a date.
“The topic is so obscure and jargon-heavy, I can’t imagine any woman with a brain and a sense of self-worth wanting to hear me talk about it.” At this point he burst into tears and ran from the interview.
“I’ve talked about this with my girlfriends,” said Norris. “Every one of them is a model or a ballet dancer, by the way, and they’ve all experienced the same thing. Why won’t anyone tell us about Bitcoin? I came into a pretty sizable inheritance recently, but I’ll probably end up blowing it on something silly like real estate or municipal bonds.”
“The wild fluctuations of the stock market terrify me,” Norris continued. “So I want to put all of my money into something whose value will just keep rising and rising forever. And I’m pretty sure that thing is Bitcoin. Won’t anyone help me? I’ll send nudes.”