TORONTO – With Kyle Dubas out as GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs just weeks before crucial decisions have to be made about key players Auston Matthews and William Nylander, the fanbase is divided ...
Canadian TV writer not on strike, just unemployed
TORONTO – Local television writer Sean Tudyk recently assured a concerned public that the Writers Guild of America strike wasn’t negatively impacting him because, as a Canadian screenwriter, it ...
Owners of gold stolen from Pearson expected it to be lost by baggage services anyways
TORONTO – A statement from a representative of the owners of the $20 million dollars worth of valuables stolen from Toronto Pearson claims that the victims were expecting the goods to be misplac...
UCP promises to build giant gas-powered fans to clear Alberta skies
EDMONTON – As Alberta experiences yet another day of choking smoke from global warming-induced wildfires, the UCP has assured Albertans that they have a plan to prevent this increasingly common ...
UCP under fire for running UCP candidate with UCP policies
Lacombe, AB – After United Conservative Party candidate Jennifer Johnson compared transgender students to feces baked into a cookie, the UCP is facing criticism for selecting a candidate who endorses ...
Local man enjoys mental health day by neglecting physical health
PRINCE ALBERT, SK – Area man Cameron Elliot has reportedly taken the day away from work to focus on his mental health by indulging in his favourite restoration activity; slowly deteriorating the...
Parent who should absolutely never have had children demands say in child’s education
ORILLIA, ON ― Kyle Gardner, the father of four young children whose only hope for becoming decent humans is the public education system, is demanding the right to bypass the public education system. “...
Smirking 9 year old just learned the French word for Seal
Woodbridge, ON – Caleb Chen, a Grade 4 student, had a slow smile creep across his face after hearing his teacher pronounce the french word for seal: Phoque. “Every year when we do animals ...
Elon Musk assures users his latest tweet too funny to be antisemitic
SAN FRANCISCO – Following backlash against his latest tweet that once again indulges in antisemitic conspiracy theories against George Soros, Twitter CEO Elon Musk has assured users that his twe...
Pitch clock resigns baseball players’ nutsacks to unscratched loneliness
Kansas City, MO – The arrival of the pitch clock and other measures to speed up the languid pace of professional baseball has created victims of baseball players’ scrotums, as the lack of customary “s...
