TORONTO – Having spent much of the season locked in fierce online battles about whether the Leafs or Oilers would win the Cup, team fans have effortlessly moved on to discussing which team blew ...
Jack Black’s ‘Peaches’ triggers a generation’s sexual awakening
Orangeville, ON – An entire generation is reveling in its sexual awakening, thanks to Jack Black’s wet, hot hit, “Peaches” from the Super Mario Bros. Movie. In the film, Black plays Bowser, a Koopa wh...
Man saves years of accumulated time by referring to 7-Eleven as “Sev”
WINNIPEG — Forty-four year-old Mark O’Shea crossed a major milestone this month, saving nine years of accumulated time by repeatedly referring to 7-Eleven as “Sev.” “As a kid, I found it took forever ...
Panthers beat Leafs 3-3
TORONTO – The Florida Panthers ended the Leafs season in crushing fashion tonight, with a 3-3 OT victory. “We fought hard all year to give ourselves a chance to succeed,” said game w...
Danielle Smith spotted on campaign trail with “Holocaust analogies = BAD” scribbled on her hand
EDMONTON – After apologising for comments made on a 2021 podcast that compared vaccinated Albertans to the followers of Adolf Hitler, Premier Danielle Smith has been doing her best to avoid similar bl...
Canadians explain why they’re mad about the new Passport design
The government has unveiled a new design to Canada’s passport. Out went images of Terry Fox and Vimy Ridge, something we definitely all knew were in our passports, and in went more abstract imag...
5 Mother’s Day gifts that say “we’re close, but not in a Gilmore Girls way”
With Mother’s Day fast approaching, many people look to Rory and Lorelai Gilmore as an example of the ideal mother-daughter relationship. But, if your mom never wore your clothes, called you her siste...
Danielle Smith claims wildfires would never have happened if trees refused to get vaccinated
CALGARY – Danielle Smith and her administration are currently under fire for a comment she made during a press conference where she explained the trees currently being burned would have not been...
Breaking: Your grieving mother definitely slept with Gordon Lightfoot
Leamington, ON – Your mother has been sitting silently on her porch running her fingers through the fabric of an old summer dress and listening to “Gord’s Gold” on repeat all week and, oh God, oh no, ...
“If I’m guilty then how do you explain the hundreds of sexual assaults I got away with” asks Trump
MANHATTAN, NY – Following a jury’s verdict that he had sexually abused magazine writer E. Jean Carroll in the 1990s and then defamed her, former US president Donald Trump has insisted on his inn...
