EDMONTON – After apologising for comments made on a 2021 podcast that compared vaccinated Albertans to the followers of Adolf Hitler, Premier Danielle Smith has been doing her best to avoid similar blunders on the campaign trail.
“I understand that suggesting the vast majority of Albertans are equivalent to Nazi sympathisers is, uh…. bad,” Smith said during a stump speech, after pausing to glance at her palm. “The COVID vaccine was an important development that saved many… flies?”
“When I said I wouldn’t wear a poppy in protest of public health measures, I simply meant I didn’t want to risk burdening an already overworked healthcare system by poking myself real bad. After all, I think we can all agree veterans are… let’s see here… good, puppies are… cute, and COVID was exploited by radical dictator Justin Trudeau to tyrannise us. Wait, shoot, sorry, that says ‘wasn’t.’ Wasn’t. Yeah, that’s my stance now, sure.”
Smith claims her comments sprung from feelings of frustration during the pandemic, as annoyance and irritation are commonly associated with suggesting that broad swathes of your province are onboard with genocide.
“I’m not the immature 50-year-old I was two whole years ago,” Smith said, before another pause to squint at the notes on her other hand. “I’m now much more, uh… electable.”
A UCP strategist, speaking on the condition of anonymity, argued that Smith’s new “pausing to think about what the fuck she’s saying” tactic will be essential to winning the election.
“Outsiders probably don’t know this, but as a political operative with over a decade of experience on both the municipal and provincial level, I can tell you that comparing your electorate to the people who orchestrated the Holocaust almost never goes over well. Just a little peek behind the curtain for you.”
Smith’s new approach already appears to be paying off.
“I’d say I feel discriminated against, but Premier Smith has already declared the unvaccinated the real victims of discrimination,” one voter said. “So now that she’s said we need to move on from her calling me a Nazi, this election is pretty much back to square one.”
At press time, a confident and re-energised Danielle Smith stuck to her script by comparing vaccinated Albertans to the followers of Joseph Stalin.