SASKATOON – As they gather with PM Mark Carney for the meeting of First Ministers, the Premiers of Canada’s provinces are steadfast in their belief that the best way to oppose Donald Trump...
Hockey players shake hands, say there are no hard feelings about the permanent brain damage
MIAMI, FLORIDA – After an intensely violent hockey match, the Florida Panthers have formed a line to shake hands and assure their opponents, the Carolina Hurricanes, that they feel no resentment...
Shadowy interests plotting to dismantle education just going to let students use ChatGPT instead
ZÜRICH – The clandestine organization of evil billionaires who have worked for decades to undermine the world’s education systems, thus making the populace easier to control, have recently...
Convoluted new UEFA Champions League structure forces PSG to play themselves in the final
MUNICH – French soccer champions Paris Saint-Germain were told by UEFA that, having accidentally eliminated all other clubs by a bookkeeping error in their complicated new tournament system, the...
Quebec passes bill requiring immigrants to not be different
QUEBEC CITY – Following a recent bill requiring immigrants to adopt shared values, Quebec has also advanced new legislation requiring immigrants to not be any different than people already livin...
Canada Post counters union negotiations, asking workers to split the bill on billion dollar deficit
OTTAWA – Negotiators for the Canadian Union of Postal Workers were reportedly speechless following the latest proposal from Canada Post: that all employees kick in to help cover last year’...
Ads playing on gas pumps now leading cause of hearing loss
OTTAWA – Health Canada released a new hearing safety report today, highlighting a new top cause of hearing loss across the nation: advertisements playing on a new generation of gas pumps equippe...
Alberta gets head start on life as a U.S. state by banning books
“Next we’ll get started on for-profit prisons!” Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Ian MacIntyre and Nile Seguin) dive into the Throne Speech, including the absurdity of hearing a ...
Trump says Canada would pay $61B for Golden Dome, or 50% off just to bribe him directly
WASHINGTON D.C. – US President Donald Trump has offered Canada the “fabulous opportunity” to either pay $61 billion to join his military’s proposed Golden Dome defense shield, ...
Foreign Election Interference? Mark Carney reportedly constructed his cabinet with IKEA instructions
OTTAWA – Newly-elected Prime Minister Mark Carney is already facing allegations of allowing foreign tampering in Canadian affairs, after he allowed Swedish retailer IKEA to assist him in the formation...
