GUELPH, ON – In a disturbing development that has led one man to seriously reconsider whether these are the genetics he wants to pass on to his future children, local woman Sarah Russell has bee...
As part of negotiations with Trump, Carney agrees to celebrate Canada Day on July 4th
OTTAWA – In order to secure an economic agreement with Trump, PM Mark Carney has announced that, beginning in 2026, Canada will celebrate our national day of celebration on July 4th, just like t...
Carney reveals axing Digital Services Tax was Trump’s Canada Day present
Canada turned 158, and Donald Trump got to open one of his presents early! Ian and the Panel (Nile Séguin, plus special guests Andrew Ivimey and Diana McCallum) discuss how that “elbows up” thing is w...
Career coaches admit that “networking is key” just euphemism for “you’ll get absolutely nowhere without nepotism”
TORONTO – In a shocking press conference today, the Centre for Skills Development admitted that “networking is key” to getting a job, advice they’ve given for years, is just a fancy way of sayin...
The A&W Guy is dating your mom and you’re surprisingly okay with it
TORONTO – The pleasant bald man from the A&W commercials is seeing your mother, but you know what? It doesn’t bother you. “He’s a nice man,” says your 63-year-old mother. “The A&W Guy ha...
Zuckerberg “The average person has 3 friends, and Facebook is working to get that lower”
MENLO PARK, CA – In a recent statement to shareholders, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg explained that the average American only had three in-person friendships, and that Facebook plans to reduce that ...
Trump ends trade talks with Canada, resumes trade talks with Canada, ends trade talks with Canada, demands to know which European country is Canada
WASHINGTON, DC – U.S. President Donald Trump has publicly announced that he will cease all discussions with Canada over any new trade agreements, before immediately following that up stating tha...
Jury disappointed dentist committed murder with boring ol’ gun
KELOWNA, BC – An empanelled jury hearing the murder trial of Dr. Kenneth Pritchard has expressed bitter disappointment after hearing that the defendant was accused of killing his victim with a dumb ol...
Report: as long as this is the one ceasefire in a thousand that Israel doesn’t break, everything will be fine
Once in a blue moon, a ceasefire in the Middle East involving Israel actually holds. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Megan MacKay and Nile Seguin) talk about Trump starting WWIII and then getting a...
Canada signs deal with EU on defence, entry to Eurovision
BRUSSELS, BELGIUM – In addition to signing a strategic partnership with the European Union, Prime Minister Mark Carney has brokered a far more important deal allowing Canada to finally take part...
