WINNIPEG – Local crisis workers have sent 32-year-old Ronald Alexander to Victoria General Hospital for psychological tests following disturbing reports that he has “never put money down on a single s...
American soldiers equipped with silencers to avoid waking sleeping stock market
WASHINGTON, DC – As rising tensions in the Persian Gulf bring renewed fears of rising oil prices, US Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has reassured the nation that all US soldiers deployed to t...
JD Vance wondering if he’s proved his loyalty enough to be allowed to have sex with Oval Office couch
WASHINGTON D.C. – After completing several high profile missions on behalf of President Donald J. Trump, Vice President JD Vance has begun working up the courage to ask if he can finally be given the ...
Pope Leo says “L + ratio” to Trump on X is what Jesus would have done
Vatican City – During his online arguments with US president Trump, Pope Leo XIV was able to ratio the president on X, getting more likes than the President’s original post and handing Trump, “a...
Party that exists only to obtain power not sure what to do now
OTTAWA – Following two by-election wins that have allowed the Liberal Party of Canada to finally cement an electoral majority, Prime Minister Mark Carney has admitted that the party has absolute...
Liberal bouncers tell MPs to wait in line to join party
OTTAWA – With Mark Carney’s Liberals finally achieving a majority, bouncers outside the Liberal party have instructed numerous MPs who are now rushing to cross the floor to “wait in ...
Netanyahu claims Israel must permanently occupy south Lebanon in self-defence following ground invasion
JERUSALEM – The Israeli government announced their military would permanently occupy southern Lebanon following their initial invasion earlier this month. “This is just a precautionary move, pur...
Hungary admits it voted out Orbán just to see look on JD Vance’s face
BUDAPEST ― The Central European nation of Hungary celebrated the victory of Péter Magyar today, and specifically, the accompanying incredibly silly scowl it put on JD Vance’s already perpetually-silly...
TV studios announce new series based on demands of show haters
LOS ANGELES – Citing audience demand, the major TV studios announced a slate of new television programs targeted at viewers who watch but ceaselessly complain about their shows. Executives say t...
#1 Canadian summer destination is getting away from Poilievre
OTTAWA – Trendspotters have identified the hottest destination for Canadians this summer, and it is putting as much distance as possible between you and Pierre Poilievre. From Acadie-Anapolis in...
