CALGARY – Following a shocking spate of non-fatal stabbings at this year’s Calgary Stampede, reports are that the even has already sold out of hastily-commissioned “Calgary Stab-pede...
Breaking: can we get an article posted on Trump’s latest tariff threat before he backs down yet again?
Editor: Ok unnamed writer. Trump just ‘Truthed’ that he was going to do a 35% tariff on all products sent into the U.S. from Canada. And I know the last 15 times he did this we scrambled to write an a...
Poilievre worried there won’t be enough government left for him to cut
“Save some for me Mark!” Luke and the Panel (Nile Séguin and Clare Blackwood) break down Mark Carney enacting spending cuts that even Harper wouldn’t dream of, and then dive into the...
Meet the new CEO of X: this ouija board that speaks directly to Hitler’s ghost
TEXAS – Following Linda Yaccarino’s departure as CEO of X this morning, Elon Musk wasted no time holding a press conference to announce her successor: a ouija board with a direct supernatu...
Fake boomer on Facebook nearly fooled by fake photo of fake baby
News Feed, Facebook – Susan Miller, an avid AI-generated Facebook user added by Meta to socialize with people and mine their data, realized a baby photo she was looking at was actually just AI-g...
Carney confident government can meet spending cut goals as long as they make life a little worse for every Canadian
OTTAWA – Mark Carney has unveiled an “ambitious” plan to cut government spending by 7.5% next year, and 15% by 2029, figures he truly believes his government can manage as long as he...
Man fights male loneliness epidemic with mandatory Microsoft Teams meetings
CHARLOTTETOWN – Insurance manager Percy Gotell says he’s found a cure to the male loneliness epidemic. The social phenomenon was named when mental health experts noticed rising levels of lonelin...
Report: Girlfriend watching movie wrong
GUELPH, ON – In a disturbing development that has led one man to seriously reconsider whether these are the genetics he wants to pass on to his future children, local woman Sarah Russell has bee...
As part of negotiations with Trump, Carney agrees to celebrate Canada Day on July 4th
OTTAWA – In order to secure an economic agreement with Trump, PM Mark Carney has announced that, beginning in 2026, Canada will celebrate our national day of celebration on July 4th, just like t...
Carney reveals axing Digital Services Tax was Trump’s Canada Day present
Canada turned 158, and Donald Trump got to open one of his presents early! Ian and the Panel (Nile Séguin, plus special guests Andrew Ivimey and Diana McCallum) discuss how that “elbows up” thing is w...
