CALIFORNIA – This season’s newest hit reality show is taking the genre in a new direction by making its contestants compete against each other to ruin their own lives the fastest! The show will ...
Man’s weight loss resolution already complete thanks to a diet of raw milk, raw chicken, and raw salmonella
Toronto ON —Gary Packett, 35, has already achieved his weight loss goal of losing 100 pounds, thanks to his revolutionary new diet consisting entirely of raw milk, raw chicken, and a healthy dose of ...
Liberals promise anti-democratic components of Bill C-5 will be used sparingly as long as Conservatives never get in power again
OTTAWA – Shortly after jamming through a law that allows Cabinet to ignore Parliamentary Accountability for energy projects, Liberal MPs are confident that these provisions will only be used in ...
New Cirque du Soleil show apparently different from the others
SAINT-MICHEL, QC – A recent forensic examination of Cirque du Soleil’s latest show has brought to light shocking allegations: that the troupe’s show is not exactly the same every time, eve...
Trump urges Americans to just remember whatever bullshit let them support Iraq War
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Trump’s order to bomb Middle Eastern nuclear sites potentially drawing the United States into a war with Iran, the President urged all Americans to recall whatever r...
NDP launches patreon
OTTAWA – Facing a massive financial shortfall and dwindling popular support after April’s election, the NDP proudly announced the launch of a new campaign on crowdfunding site Patreon. “We’re ex...
Indoor cactus facing worse conditions than actual desert
BURLINGTON, ON – A small indoor cactus found clinging to life was reportedly facing conditions worse than the actual desert, experts say. “Cacti is consistently ranked as one of the easiest ind...
Trump demands Nobel Peace Prize for starting war with Iran
WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S. President Donald Trump is demanding that he be immediately awarded a Nobel Peace Prize as a reward for single-handedly sparking a potential Third World War with the nation...
Blue Jays announce giveaway where first 15,000 fans get a family doctor
TORONTO – In an effort to sell tickets to baseball games, Blue Jays team president Mark Shapiro has announced a new giveaway where the first 15,000 fans who enter the Rogers Centre during an upcoming ...
America announces reboot of early 2000’s Middle Eastern war
“Despite franchise fatigue with Marvel and Star Wars, U.S. and Israeli producers are releasing a big-budget reboot of the blockbuster property.” Party at Carney’s house! Ian and the ...
